10 common mistakes we make that cause our relationships to fail

It’s funny how we think that great relationships are something that just happen. We assume in order have a fulfilling relationship, we just need to find a great partner.

This is true to some degree, after all committing to someone who has a healthy mindset and attitude will definitely make everything a whole lot easier. But we forget that strong healthy relationships are something that are built over time, not found in an instant.

We live in a disposable and on the spot society that expects to have the best immediately, rather than working to make it the best thing indefinitely.  Relationships require hard work consistently and it is these 10 common mistakes that we make that can really impact them negatively.

1: We lose our priorities.

Life gets busy. In among paying bills, working hard, seeing friends or raising children, we can put our spouse and the relationship we have with them at the bottom of the list. It’s not that we do it on purpose, but it’s this lack of consciousness which can bring long term damage. Your relationship shouldn’t just be ‘surviving’ of the little attention it gets. It should be at the top of your list so that it has a chance to thrive and remain strong.

2: We fight change instead of adapting to it.

Change is inevitable, whether we want it or not. When you commit to someone, you need to understand that there is a possibility that person will change over time.  We fear change instead of embracing it or we give up and panic instead of adapting. People, life and relationships are all a journey and work in progress. Don’t let one bad season condition you into a negative mindset.

3: We undervalue quality time together

If you don’t make your relationship a priority, then it will not last. You need to spend time together, regularly. This means actually setting time aside to focus just on each other. Try to keep distractions to a minimum, this includes phones, kids, TV or anything else that might get in the way.

4: We lose our own sense of purpose

You need to have your own goals and purpose outside of a relationship. Your relationship, no matter how amazing it is, cannot sustain your happiness completely. When we put all of our eggs into one person, they are bound to get broken (the eggs that is!) . You cannot place that much pressure on someone to be your everything. Set some goals and have your own agenda apart from a great marriage.

5: We focus on self instead of each other

The honeymoon period usually starts to fade when we become more selfish with our motives and daily actions. Loving someone is about making them feel valued and appreciated consistently. It will mean that there will be times that you have to put your own needs and wants aside to accommodate your partner instead.

6: We listen only to respond instead of to understand

If you can allow your partner to speak without fear of your reaction, then you have given them a place to feel heard and safe. Try to listen without having to have an instant response. Learn to control your words and emotions and practice active listening.

7: We forget to guard our words

Your words, once spoken cannot be taken back. They can either build up your partner and relationship or they can tear it apart. So, choose wisely what you speak.

8: We let romance die

Whether you are a romantic or not, every relationship needs an element of romance in it. Romance isn’t necessarily flowers, candles and chocolate, what it is, is gestures of thought. It makes your partner feel special, it also encourages intimacy. connection and communication. Not to mention it helps keep the passion alive.

9: We hold things in instead of talking about them

You need to speak about what is on your heart and mind, even if it is uncomfortable to do so. Clear and effective communication is what will keep your relationship strong and on track. There are no shortcuts in learning how to be a great communicator, except to listen twice as much as you speak.

10: We try to change people instead of just loving them

We all have the ideal partner in our head.  The problem is, is that perfect doesn’t exist. We need to learn the difference between knowing when to compromise as opposed to settling for second best. You cannot force a person to change, you can only set an example yourself and love them for who they are and where they are at. And that’s tough. Make sure when you are entering into a committed relationship that your blinkers are off and you are aware of their true character.

 

 As seen originally on My Single Connections

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