Ladies, it’s time things changed!
It’s been 20 years since we were first taught that Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus, so why is it that men and women still don’t get each other?
There is a gap between us that is not caused by the differences in men and women, but, rather by the lack of understanding of these differences and the lack of acceptance of these differences.
I know it’s the 21st Century and it’s very UN PC to suggest that men and women are different (when it comes to issues such as rights and opportunities, I do believe that we’re equal, no need to send me emails!) but there are certain biological differences between men and women. It’s not opinion; it’s not a belief or an observation, its nature.
These differences are left over from our cave man past and while they served us well back then, they are causing conflict today.
So, if this is just nature, what can we do about it? Like I said in the beginning, the real problem is the lack of understanding and acceptance. By gaining an understanding of what these differences are and why they happen, you can begin to accept them and as a whole we can begin to close this gap, forever!
Here are 3 of the biggest misunderstandings about men:
Men can only focus on 1 thing at a time
Have you ever noticed that women can multitask and focus on multiple things at once while men can really only concentrate on 1 thing at a time? This causes a lot of frustration, not just for women, but men as well.
This comes down to the fact that men, by nature, can only focus on 1 thing at a time. Back in the cave man days, a man’s role was to go out and hunt for food. This means their focus was to find, stalk then kill an animal. If they lost focus for even one second, they could lose their prey and potentially starve to death or, if they were hunting an animal that could attack them, they could be killed. Focus was a life and death situation.
A woman’s role back then was care for and nurture children. Their focus had to be everywhere and on everything. They had watch kids and tend to all their needs as well as watch out for predators and focus on the cave. If women focused on only 1 thing, it could mean death to her or the kids.
Knowing that men can only focus one 1 thing at a time, how will this change your interactions with men?
Men are action orientated and problem solvers by nature
Why is it that every time you tell one of your problems to a man all he does is tries to fix it? This is because again, cave men were responsible for hunting, which is a physical, action oriented task. Women’s role was to nurture children which are an emotional orientated task.
Today, men still bond with others through physical activity, such as football and women still bond through sharing emotions and talking.
One way work with this is when you share problems and feelings with a bloke, expect him to need to do something. Suggest he can help by giving you a cuddle or something else that you need, this why his need will be satisfied too.
Men communicate differently
Please, forgive me while I get a little “geeky” for a minute. A man’s brain is different than a woman’s. The stem that connects to right and left side of the brain is called the “corpus callosum”. It’s this that enables you to change sides of the brain. The corpus callosum is 30% thicker in female brains. This is why men can only focus on one thing at a time. It also changes the way we communicate.
When we communicate, we have to take in and process several pieces of different information, which requires many different parts of the brain. Because women can move around the brain easily and use several different parts of the brain at once, women are able to talk all at once and about several different topics. Men take turns to talk. This is why they get extremely frustrated when women talk before they have finished their turn.
These 3 misunderstandings cause the most amount of conflict between men and women. Now that you know why these differences occur, you can begin to be accepting and alter your expectations and strategies. It’s only when men and women accept each other we can put an end to the battle of the sexes.
Rodney Owen is a Counsellor and Founder of Bloke Support, an organisation dedicated to helping men, couples and families overcome issues with relationships, depression, anger and stress management and the workplace. Rodney and Bloke Support are based in Sydney