It’s one of the top 3 reasons why relationships fall apart. Talking to your partner isn’t exactly a walk in the park. And because everyone communicates differently it’s hard to be able to navigate your way around the minefields of conflict and frustration. The trick is to be able to talk to one another without either partner getting on the defensive or being made to feel they are not enough. So, here’s 4 quick little tips to getting you started to communicating successfully:
1: Actively listen
When we think about communicating better, we tend to focus more on what we have to say, rather than what our partner has to say. Part of communicating effectively is to learn to say nothing and just listen. When we give someone the freedom to be able to talk without us interrupting, it does 2 things: 1 makes them feel what they have to say is more valued and received and 2: Makes them think twice about what they want to say more clearly. Make sure you aren’t listening only to respond with your argument, but also to actually process how they are feeling. Actively listening means you are taking note of what they are saying and using it not as ammo but as deeper knowledge about your partner.
2: Choose your words carefully
Words are incredibly powerful in a relationship. What you say can either build your relationship up or it can tear it apart. We may be able to say sorry and get over those moments of anger, but we can never take back what we have spoken into existence. Make sure you are guarding your tongue and speaking positive words into your partnership. It’s the old saying “If you have nothing nice to say, then don’t say anything at all”. Choose what words you use in your arguments or when you are trying to communicate a point or feeling. Try not to let your emotions control your dialogue in a negative way.
3: Don’t use silence as a weapon
We all know what ‘radio silence’ is in a relationship. Silence is just as powerful, if not more so than words. However, there is a huge difference in choosing to say nothing because you have nothing nice to say, compared to giving the silent treatment. In some cases, your partner may deserve your silence, but do this in a way that is out of your own self-love, not to manipulate them. The best way to communicate how you feel is by talking about it, not by trying to let them guess why you actively ignore them. The silent treatment when used wrongly will only bring frustration, confusion and resentment. Be mature and bold and talk about your feelings instead.
4: Choose the right time to speak
There are obviously times when it is better to talk about serious things. Setting a specific time whereby you can chat without distraction, heightened emotions or fatigue will help make your conversations more effective. Don’t forget that men use 7000 less words than women, so timing is important, because chances are he will switch off after his limit is up! Just remember that while the timing may not be in your ideal time frame, the important thing is , is that what you are saying is being received successfully because you have chosen a better time to say it.
As seen originally on My Single Connections