As seen on eHarmony Australia !
We’ve either had one, or we know of someone who is in one of those relationships that are so up and down you never actually know if they are together, broken up, married or single! It’s never easy admitting that our relationship isn’t healthy, and most of the time we become so focused on trying to make it work that we forget real love isn’t something that should be forced. Let’s take a look at 5 problems that come with this type of relationship:
1: Inconsistency leads to confusion
When you are back and forth like a yo-yo with your partner it can become incredibly confusing as to where you are going and where you stand with one another. Not to mention it becomes completely exhausting fighting the same battles and emotions time and time again. The problem with being in an unstable relationship is that clarity is usually replaced with confusion, by forcing something that isn’t necessarily meant to be.
2: There is no peace or progress
When your relationship is right, you will feel a deep sense of peace, and progress will happen automatically in every aspect of your life and as a couple. There is a big difference between going through rough patches and having constant conflict and struggles. You shouldn’t have to try and convince your partner daily that being with you is the right decision, nor should you always feel like you’re in a never-ending battle to move just one step forward. When you are on and off with the person you love, you allow for a lot of anxiety and hindrance, simply because you have not established a unified and clear foundation as a couple.
3: You can’t plan for a stable future with an unstable present
It’s human nature to want stability with someone and it is completely NORMAL to want to plan a future with the person you love. When you are in an inconsistent relationship, it is almost impossible to plan for a secure future because your present relationship is still lacking the basic core foundations. An on-off relationship also sets yourself up for a lot of disappointment, because your desire for something fulfilling, joyful and promising are not met.
4: You lose perspective
When you love someone and want to make it work, it’s easy to lose perspective because we live in the hope of what we want to happen rather than the reality of what is actuallyhappening. Not to mention with all the turbulence, sadness, anxiety and confusion that an on-off relationship can bring, it becomes incredibly hard to know what to do. Most of the time we don’t want to do what we know needs to be done…because it conjures up fear, rejection, pain and uncertainty. The best way to get a clear perspective is to have some healthy distance from the conflicting relationship and to ask people who care about you what they think.
5: There is no true unity
Creating unity in your relationship is not just about chemistry and compatibility, it’s also about actively living life together as a couple. If you are back and forth, on and off, up and down and sideways it will be hard to unify your life as a couple! When two people want to make a relationship work, they both put in the equal amount of effort and have a mindset that is about creating peace, progress and unity. When you are in a harmonious relationship you are able to make clearer decisions about your future, set common goals and grow together on the same path. You learn to work together instead of being divided by inconsistency, conflict and confusion.