Want to do a long distance relationship ?
If you are in a long distance relationship and struggling or you’re contemplating about to start one with someone special, then you have to watch this video because in this video.
I’m actually going to give you a couple of questions to ask yourself if you’re even able to do a long distance relationship because they are very difficult.
I personally did a long distance relationship with my partner for four years and I will say right now that that is not easy and it takes two very committed, dedicated people who are choosing to make that relationship work.
So that’s why I wanted to do this video because I wanted to talk about questions that you need to ask each other or at least ask yourself to work out if you even have the capacity to be able to do a long distance relationship.
Question one, are physical touch and quality time my main love languages?
Now if you haven’t heard about the five love languages, then you are living under a rock and I highly suggest that you learn about it.
Essentially, there are five ways that we give and receive love. One is words of affirmation, gifts, acts of service, quality time and physical touch.
Now, if physical touch is the way that you feel most loved or your partner feels most loved, then that could be difficult in a long distance relationship.
Simply because you’re not actually there to be able to touch each other and be intimate or affectionate.
Quality time is obviously feeling valued by that person and loved by them when you’re actually spending good quality time with them.
And most of the time, that’s actually about being in each other’s presence. So it can be really difficult to have a long distance relationship if you feel that either of those two love languages aren’t being met, if that is what your primary and secondary love language actually is.
Now the way to get around that, if you know that that is your love language but you really do want to make this relationship work is try and make quality time something that you do on the phone simply by FaceTiming each other.
Set time aside to be able to do that on a daily basis. Now obviously we can’t touch somebody physically when there is distance in between us, so you might want to instead talk about what you do want to do to them.
Or you might say, “Look, I miss hugging you” or “I would give you a hug now” or “I wish I could hold your hand.”, so at least you have that release of what it is that you would like to do with them and then they can understand that you’re still thinking about them and craving them and physically desiring them as well.
The second question to ask yourself is do you have trust issues?
Either you or him. Now this is something that is really important because when you’re spending long periods of time apart, you really don’t know what the other person is doing even if you’re communicating all the time.
Clearly you’re not in the same country or the same city so you’re not able to see them on a daily basis and this is where trust really has to come into play and you have to understand that trust can’t always be based off a feeling.
It has to be based on a choice. I choose to trust you. I choose to trust that you’re doing the right thing. I choose to trust that you’re being faithful.
Now we can encourage trust or we can discourage it and the way that we do that is we communicate and we try to keep things as transparent as possible.
Now, if you have a history of you finding that you can’t trust yourself and that you are tempted by other men when your boyfriend’s in another country or maybe your boyfriend is tempted by other women when you guys are apart, then that needs to be discussed.
Because you need to work out if that is going to be a sore point, which is going to hinder you from being able to do a long distance relationship.
If you don’t have trust in a relationship, then it’s going to be hard to have a healthy relationship anyway, but more so if you have a long distance relationship, because most of that relationship is based off trust because you can’t actually see or be with each other as much as you want to be.
Number three, can I handle those emotional highs and lows?
What I mean by this is when you actually see each other, it’s like, oh your Christmas has come at once.
You run to each other at the airport and it’s all very amazing and romantic and there’s that emotional high because you finally get to be with each other and when you then have to be apart from each other, it’s like you just do the opposite.
You hit rock bottom. And for me, I know that every time that I was away from my partner, it was like this sadness came over me and this tiredness and I used to just want to curl up in a ball and just go to sleep for a couple of hours.
It’s almost like a depression would come over me because I yearned for him and I missed him and I knew that I wasn’t going to see him for another long period of time.
So it is a little bit of a roller coaster and you will go through different sort of emotions, like the frustration will come out because you can’t be intimate and that you can’t see each other and you just want to tell them how your day is or be hugged by them at the end of the day and they’re not there to be able to do that.
So there will be a wave and a conflict of emotions going through you and you have to ask yourself, are you able to handle that?
Are you both able to handle that or is that something that’s going to put too much pressure on you and eventually on the relationship, which brings me to point number four:
Number 4 :Are you led more by your feelings or your choices?
In any relationship you have to be led more by your choices rather than your feelings. Because trust me, there will be days when you feel like giving up or you feel like this is too hard, we can’t make it work, but if you just keep acting on feelings, then obviously you’re just going to have reactions to life which aren’t going to bring stability or peace.
This is why if you want to actually make a long distance relationship work or any relationship, you have to decide what to do that is going to actually get you the end result.
And if that means going, “You know what, right now I feel it’s too hard but I’m going to double FaceTime him today” or “I’m going to up the communication” or “we’re going to book a plane ticket so we’ve at least got something to look forward to” and “we’ve got a countdown date.”
Make choices rather than feelings but if you’re someone who always just acts on your feelings or he’s someone that always acts on his feelings, then I can tell you right now there’s probably going to be an expiry date on that relationship because your feelings will be even more intensified when you are actually apart.
Number five: what are your communication styles?
I mean it’s pretty obvious if you have a long distance relationship, then there needs to be double, if not triple the communication because you aren’t literally there in each other’s presence in order to be able to feel how each other feels or express what it is that you feel.
So one of the things that I suggest doing, and I have done a couple of other videos on how to make him miss you in a long distance relationship and how to even handle a long distance relationship.
One of the things that I suggest to do is FaceTime each other, especially because men are visuals so they really need to kind of see you.
It helps to remember how you feel about each other, read each other’s expressions. It brings a sense of intimacy because you can see each other through a phone or a computer and that will give you a sense that you’re having some sort of at least normal type of relationship.
Now if they are someone who struggles with communication, they’re not a texter, they’re not a caller, they’re not a talker or you’re someone who feels that you need a lot of communication and they’re just not able to give it to you, then that is probably going to prove to be really sort of difficult