As seen originally on My Single Connections
Navigating life and love is hard. Your new chapter of singleness does not mean you have failed in love, in fact the choice to end something toxic or ill functioning take a whole lot of courage and strength. Stepping back into the dating world may seem a little daunting at first, so here are 5 quick tips to getting you on your way to finding love again:
1: Do it from the right mindset
It’s a common mistake for people to date someone out of the need to feel completed. When you have been married, you get used to having companionship. So when we separate from our spouse, the sense of loss of their physical presence can really affect us. Putting yourself out there and embarking on love is the first step, but make sure you are doing it from a clear and whole mindset. Choose to date not because you fill unfulfilled or lonely but because you are wanting to find a new love and have someone add to your life.
2: Let go of the past
When we bring out past into our present, we hinder the future outcome. If you have children with your Ex, then most likely they will have some presence in your life. However, this doesn’t mean you have to allow the fears, bitterness or pain from that past relationship to follow you into you new dating arena. No one goes into a marriage wanting it to end, but your divorce does not mean you are a failure or a bad partner. It’s hard sometimes to let go and move on, but the sooner you choose to stop focusing on the past, the sooner you will be able to enjoy the present opportunities.
3: Be confident
Finding love the second or third time around, can affect our self-esteem and confidence. Dating is daunting, especially if we have been out of the game for some time. However, put aside all the new ways to meet people, and the steps to building a healthy relationship still remain the same. Rejoice in who you are, remember what you have to offer.
4: Be open and flexible
It’s easy to have a closed mindset once we have been through a lot emotionally and mentally. The thing is if you have been out of the dating arena for quite a long time, there could be a lot of things that have changed within yourself, the way we meet people and what others have to offer. Of course it’s important to have standards and a clear idea of what you need and want. But don’t let your last relationship pain taint your views on what you MUST have in the next. Use your past to be able to set the parameters of what positive and healthy things you require in a relationship. But don’t be so closed off or set in your ways that you block the right people.
5: Enjoy yourself and the moment
It’s easy to get caught up in the “what if’s” especially if you have children to think about or want to protect your heart. The trick is to not over complicate, over think or over plan in your head. Learn to just be in the moment and enjoy what is happening. Time will eventually reveal what you should do. Coming out of a season of conflict and sadness is hard enough, so relax and learn to embrace a new season of joy, new opportunities and happiness.