Whether it’s a question you have pondered over or perhaps have been asked incessantly by every friend, parent, relative and random stranger, it’s one that you would like answered! Being single can be a trying time, especially when we don’t want to be and can’t understand why , so let’s look at 5 possible reasons why you haven’t found The One yet:
1: You don’t know your own worth.
Whilst your status doesn’t define you, it can also be a good indication of what is going on in your head and heart and just how much you value yourself. There is a difference in being single because you are waiting for the right one, and being single because you keep having broken relationship after broken relationship. In essence you are single by choice not by chance. When we lose sight our true worth we start giving discounts to men (metaphorically speaking) and invite them to play with our hearts, leaving us wounded and scampering after them as they trail off into the distance. By learning to love yourself properly and fully you effectively start to attract the right type of love back into your life. If you are still single then maybe it’s because you haven’t learnt how amazing you are and what you are truly worthy of. Douche bags don’t just waltz into our life, we invite them in because we either haven’t learnt what is good for us or we don’t think we deserve better.
2: You keep looking in all the wrong places
I have lost track of the amount of times I have heard women say they can’t find a decent guy then proceed to go ahead and party and grind with a complete playboy in a club who will break her heart. #foreheadslap! It’s not rocket science ladies, if you consistently do the same thing you will get the same result. Yes there are plenty of decent men out there, but what you need to ask yourself is this: are you cultivating a lifestyle and self -love that attracts the nice guys?! There’s no point in complaining that you can’t find a man if you are trying every man that falls in your path and effectively living a “single” life. If you want a man that is ready to commit and love you the right then you need to start living a life that shows you are ready for that. Chances are he won’t be at the club on Friday night dancing on tables, perhaps he’ll be in the gym or in a social club or having a coffee at that cool café down the road.
3: You haven’t worked out what you want
It’s the old saying “how bad do you really want it?” whether it’s losing weight, saving for dream dress or waiting for the right man , it really boils down to sacrifice , patience and discipline. After learning how to love yourself properly, you next have to ask yourself what you really want and are you willing to so what’s necessary to achieve it? This isn’t just about writing down a list of the ideal man and relationship- although that’s equally important and a good start, it’s also about sticking to your guns and not settling for second best. If you are really serious about finding the right man , then become the right woman i.e.: the best version of you, and then put a game plan into order and don’t settle till you have what you are worth and what your desire.
4: You’re expectations are either too high or too low
Basically you are doing one or the other: aiming below normal standards and losing out, or you have put the bar so high that you effectively cut off every eligible suitor! Either way it’s the same result: single and unhappy and confused as to why? (Maybe even a little exasperated as well!) It’s important to find that happy medium of give and take and have a healthy understanding of where compromise should begin and end. If you are settling then it’s most likely because you are lonely , don’t know your worth, impatient, not willing to risk the unknown or perhaps don’t believe what you want exists ( usually this is based off your past and present experience). On the flip side if you have set the bar so high then it’s most likely because you are too fussy, trying to protect yourself from heartache, have a skewed perception on reality , bitter or high maintenance . There really is no pretty way about it, but the good news is that you can find a happy in-between that allows the right type of love to flourish in your life.
5: You keep dating the same type of men over and over again!
Women often come to me with their woes and confusion of why they are single, and when I ask them about each of the men they have dated, a very common (and not surprising) pattern occurs. What they are doing is dating the same guy (not literally the same guy) over and over again. They have developed a type, which is actually bad for them and so are continuously engaging with this said “toxic type” of guy and effectively getting the same results. Now it’s not about jumping into the opposite boat, what you want and who you are attracted to is still valid, but it’s more about really looking at the bigger picture and identifying if someone is good for you, has the same core values, is compatible and wants the same things as you. Yes we all love the danger and spontaneity of a shirtless bad boy , but who’s to say you can’t get that in a “nice guy” if you look beyond the first appearances. At the end of the day it’s up to you who you invite into your life, so invite someone who wants to stay.