It‘s the dreaded question that all singletons get asked: “So why are you single?”
Whilst it takes all our self control not to either –
A: roll our eyes and walk away
B: scream “because I just am ! What does it matter ?!”(hands are thrown in the air for extra effect)
C: scull the glass of wine, wipe the dregs from our lips and divulge our entire life story of broken relationships; or
D: answer sarcastically with the line “because I prefer cats to men, don’t you?”, we instead smile through clenched teeth.
It seems that after while though we even start to ask ourselves that question and begin to wonder that perhaps we are part of the reason ( god forbid?!) .
I’ve had a lot of women recently ask me why they are single and what they are doing wrong because it just didn’t make sense. Sometimes we are unaware of the patterns and choices we are making daily in our life that are essentially shaping our lives and relationship status, so it time to stop and do a mental check!
1: You’re dating the wrong guy again…and again…and again!
Hmm it’s true, I even learnt this the hard way! We all have an ideal man in our head, a checklist of his personality traits, physical features and how he will sweep us off our feet, but is what we want the same as what we need?
It’s important to identify the right type of man for you by making sure your values, paths and interests line up.
It’s equally important to date a man that is emotionally ready and able to commit to you and has an understanding of where you at and what you want.
There are some awesome men out there, unfortunately half the time we overlook them because we are too busy focusing on (or trying to fix! ) the ones that have let us down.
Start to get practical about your dating choices, don’t mess around with the men that you know are dangerous or don’t want the same things, date someone whom you are compatible with as well as attracted to. Cut the drama before it even has a chance to begin!
2: You repeat the same bad habits and patterns.
It’s easy to fall into bad habits as it is routine, so take a step back and have a look at the cycle of your previous relationships. What were you always fighting about? At what point did things break down? You’ll probably be shocked to find a definite blueprint with each partner and that’s a sure sign that things need to change from your end.
For myself , I identified that I use to say things just to get a reaction ,this was all based off my insecurities and I realised that I needed to first work on myself so to make sure that I could build new and healthy habits .
It takes discipline and time but it’s worth the rewards of being a better partner in your next relationship. What bad habits do you need to change?
3: You’re holding onto the past.
It’s time to let go of past relationships, baggage and people that hurt you. You can’t keep re reading the last chapter of your life if you are waiting to step into a new one.
It’s important to identify when a season or a relationship in your life is over so that you can close the door on it and start focusing on what’s to come. Letting go takes discipline of the mind and heart but it’s essential to your healing and progression in daily life let alone love.
Yes you’ve been burnt, disappointed and heartbroken, we all have, but if we lived our lives based off our failures rather than our triumphs we will stay broken and unfulfilled.
A good rule when you are dating is not to talk about your ex’s on the first date! It’s unnecessary information and a sure way to scare any man away, if your crush wants to chat about it, my rule is to brush over it and change the subject, there’s no need to talk about your past when something is so new.
4: You’re waiting for HIM to complete YOU.
We all should know the golden rule by now: you must first be whole and complete without a man! That’s right; it sounds simple but actually takes a lot of work to be happy and joyful in every season of your life including the single one.
The thing is when we start to search and get desperate for a man to complete our happiness we can begin to compromise our values, standards and self worth just to for fill that desire.
Life doesn’t begin after you meet Mr Right, it starts right now and you’re missing out on it because you are too busy searching for a happiness that can only be filled by yourself.
5: He isn’t going to turn up on your doorstep!
Unfortunately we can’t order a husband on line (rats!) so that means we must be proactive in getting back out on the dating scene. There are loads of ways to meet new men , whether it be on online dating sites, mutual friends, social gatherings or group activities, you have no excuse!
Yes it can be daunting and chances are it will take a few goes before you find a good egg, but nothing ventured nothing gained. Get up off the couch ( or stay there if you are using online )and start creating the romance in your world by initiating it!