Perhaps a few friends have said something to you or you might even be consciously aware that you are holding onto someone who is no longer in your life, here‘s a quick checklist to see if there is some change that needs happen( or a person you need to let go of!) :
1. You always talk about him
I don’t mean a passing casual comment , but rather you are constantly talking about who he is, was and will be. Most of the time you won’t even realise that you are doing it and it’s usually when your friends do one of three things: a) they cough and there’s an awkward silence
b) they glare (after rolling their eyes) at you and start yelling that you need to get over him!
Or c) smile politely, say nothing and you’re left there feeling like you’ve been caught in the act; that you finally start to notice!
It’s easy to chat freely about someone who you’re still attached to, but it’s something that needs to stop in order for you to be able to move on. Make a conscious effort to monitor your words and steer clear of mentioning his name, your history and the memories attached to it.
Constantly speaking about someone who is no longer in your life will only keep you from progressing forward as your focus is in the past not the present and definitely not the future.
2. You use him as a reference for every comparison
You know those annoying people who are always like “ yeah but Danny’s was a better kisser” or “ Danny had a better job/ car/ dog / guinea pig / left toe” ?!
Well sadly you have become one of those people we roll our eyes at! Let it go, let him go, stop using your past relationship and current heartache as a means to base all your other decisions off.
Comparison is a joy thief and it also warps our perspective at times, and the fact remains that it wasn’t meant to be for whatever reason therefore it shouldn’t be the measuring stick.
Comparing is human nature so try to evaluate your new prospects or standards based off other healthy and successful relationships, not your past.
3. There’s no progress in your love life
When was the last time you went on a date? Do you have a pattern emerging whereby your dates go one of either way:
A): disaster from the start because your heart’s not in it and you become critical or uninterested in your date?
B) It starts off great, goes well for a few weeks but then fizzes out or ends abruptly?
It’s so easy to be unaware of certain habits or patterns we create when we stagnate, however training yourself to be consciously aware of your actions and words will help you have control over what your are creating.
It’s time to build new habits, give a new date a chance before you label or dismiss them and of course give yourself permission to write a new love story.
4. You’re living in the past
Unless you’re dead (which clearly you’re not!) there’s no reason why you should be living in the past. It’s time to move forward and leave your ex and whatever feelings you have associated with him behind you.
It’s one thing to reflect on the past, it’s entirely different to be dwelling on it and making it the focus of your mind, heart and present.
Make a choice today to cut ties with that previous part of your life and choose to thrive in the present whilst building your future.
5. You’re not happy
The best way to really know if you are in need of change in your life is by looking at your emotional state. Are you happy on a daily basis?
Do you have joy in the present or are you constantly living in the past or worse associating your happiness with your ex?
Break up’s are hard and take a gradual process, but they are also seasonal and you have the choice to either extend or shorten this season.
It’s time to take a step to finding joy and peace in the present, keeping the past in the past and start dreaming about what wonderful things are to come in the future.
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