Ok let’s set something straight, no you are not a crazy person for identifying the red flags and wanting to do something about it. It does not make you paranoid or over reactive just because you have decided to lay down a few boundaries to protect your man and the relationship you have. In fact it makes you incredibly aware and sensible that temptations, distractions, division and conflict comes in all shapes and forms. We can become so busy and comfortable with our routine that we are sometimes left feeling sideswiped when your man all of a sudden acts differently because something has been allowed to come in between you both. Social media and the internet alone has made it now even more possible for you both to access hundreds if not thousands of opportunities that can distract you from each other or perhaps invite battles into your normally harmonious relationship. Of course we are humans and will all make mistakes and yes our relationship with our partner will constantly be growing and evolving, but why swim with sharks when you can take a boat and bypass them…get my drift? Ok let’s look at 5 common influences to avoid:
1: the past
This is usually something that will be a reoccurring issue that needs to be addressed constantly over time, mainly because it is a part of us and ingrained into our daily thoughts, actions, and words. However holding onto the past will not only hinder your present it will inevitably damage your future. Whether you have old self destructive habits to beat, bitterness or unforgiveness or even irresponsible behaviour to conquer, it’s important to be aware of when it comes into play so that you can address it straight away before it does any lasting damage. You are not defined by your past failure or pains and they do not have to continue to control your emotions and actions in a negative way so choose to leave them in the past and give your relationship a head start today.
2: other women (especially the ones wanting to be close friends)
Whilst some may disagree with my views on this, I don’t think it’s healthy or necessary for a man to maintain a close friendship with another woman other than his partner or family. It’s not because he should only have male friends, it just leaves less room for an intimacy to build that should only be between actual couples. If a woman is wanting a friendship with your man so that he can counsel her, or be her shoulder to cry on or someone to send cute funny texts to, then you have yourself a woman who does not respect you or your relationship. There is nothing wrong for opposite sexes being friends, but it is altogether another issue when he chooses to start confiding in his female friends rather than his girlfriend or wife. Don’t be naive, women aren’t silly and if you think your man is a damn good catch, chances are other women think so too and because they can’t have him as a partner they will try for the next best option: his ‘friend’.
3: Facebook and social media influences
Oh the joys of social media just imagine if everyone spent as much time on their relationship as they did on Facebook then how different this world would be! I’m sure we have all heard stories of exes from Christmas past contacting married men to “catch up” or “ just to see how your were, it’s been soooo long” and then low and behold and affair has started only to end a marriage. Whilst this is an extreme case it is actually more common than we like to think and the stress and anxiety that can come with having a Facebook account can be overwhelming at times! Honesty and transparency should transcend through every part of your relationship and if you have your niggling doubts or aren’t comfortable with something you have seen on your partner’s Facebook then say something to him. No matter which social media avenue it is , there is a chance for strangers and even long lost friends to connect with either yourself or your man and therefore you need to set clear boundaries right from the start. And if it becomes such a big conflict between you two, you have to ask yourself, what is more important: keeping up to date with selfies and useless videos or protecting your relationship?!
4: Financial pressure
This is actually one of the main causes for breakups and divorce nowadays! So needless to say it needs to be kept in check especially when the bills pile up higher and the income doesn’t seem to match them. It is hard not to let financial pressure put strain on your both and it becomes all too easy to play the blame game or fight about little things. The best way to combat this battle is to keep things in perspective i.e.: what is important is that you have your health and your love even if you aren’t debt free or driving a Porsche.
5: Other people’s opinions and baggage.
It’s easily to let the opinions and experiences of others influence your own relationship or worse cause division in it. Whilst it’s great to gain advice from others especially if you have asked for it, it doesn’t necessarily mean it wise, relevant or even right for you. Take everything with some perspective and remember it’s ok if you don’t agree, you can’t please everyone you’re not Chanel!
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