It seems like an impossible feat, yet funnily enough we have all tried it (perhaps more than once); to try and change a man. Call it a natural inclination to try and mould your Mr Man into Mr Perfect it’s an easy habit to fall into and sometimes we don’t even realise that we start to focus on who he could be rather than who he is right now.
It’s frustrating when someone doesn’t do things exactly when you want, in the way you want however this is called life and it’s meant to be shared with equality and diversity, even Hitler didn’t get his way!
There is however a sure way to encourage change (change for his benefit as well, not just yours) and here are the 5 ways to do it:
Sounds crazy but once upon a time you fell in love with your man/ husband because of who he was. Yes people do change over time and sometimes for the worse, however it’s time to get back to the basics of a relationship and shift your focus from loving who you want him to be , to who he is presently.
It may be difficult to retrain your mind, actions and especially words but you need to start focusing on his good qualities rather than his bad. It will probably take a lot of discipline to stop commenting on his faults but it’s about trying to build new positive habits.
2: Applaud him for what he does
For example he might have worked hard all day but didn’t take the rubbish out (again!) and you have two choices:
1) whinge about how he never takes the rubbish out (which of course leads to a long list of all the other things he hasn’t done) or 2) First praise him for his hard work today, thank him for providing for the family and then ask if he can help you to take the rubbish out.
It’s not rocket science to know he will react better to option 2 and that’s because he has been honoured for what he has done not beaten down for what he hasn’t. Your words can build someone up or tear them down, and those are two totally different reactions , so CHOOSE to respect and praise him verbally for his efforts , no matter how small or mundane.
Men have an ego, they need to know as a provider they are enough, so give them that permission and you’ll open the floodgates to a world of change.
3: Demonstrate the change you want to see
Say what?! Yes that’s right, you (Miss Perfect) need to set the standard and an example of the change you want to see in your relationship .
The thing is whilst we may want to dig our heels in because we feel like we already do “everything, and he never does anything” we have to remember it’s not about keeping score but loving unconditionally to the benefit of BOTH of you.
Yes relationships are a partnership and require equal work from both partners, but let’s face it , sometimes there will be times when one person has to give or take more than the other.
There is also the case that sometimes men need certain actions demonstrated, not because they are incapable but because they can be unaware of what change can look like and the positive benefits of a specific action.
4: Find out his ‘Love Language’
This old chestnut, if you don’t know what the love languages are then head to my review section to see a more detailed explanation.
Basically it’ the way in which he feels most loved and the choices are: words of affirmation, physical touch, gifts, quality time or acts of service. If your man feels most loved when you do something nice for him or cook or iron his shirts (stay with me….) then his love language is Acts of Service.
The reason this is important is because making someone feel loved will open them to change, give them confidence and even want to love you in your love language.
5: Never nag or force him.
The best way to make a man dig in his heels and never want to change is to nag him! Whilst it’s not something that we plan but rather a by product of trying to get our point across, unfortunately it has the opposite desired effect.
A man doesn’t change because he is forced, he changes because he wants to please the woman he loves, so all we have to do is work on becoming the most desirable and lovable woman/ partner we can be!
Sounds a lot easy than you think but it is possible, it just takes time, patience, persistence and discipline.