When we think of an abusive relationship, we usually assume that it involves the man being physically violent and aggressive towards the woman, but what we tend to forget is that abuse comes in all shapes and forms and the effects aren’t always visible scars.
Sadly over half a million women are abused through domestic violence alone each year, so that leaves the question of just how many more women are silent about the different type of abuse they suffer?
The problem is that many women aren’t even aware that what their partner is doing is abusive and so they continue to stay with him and wonder why they are so unhappy and don’ have the power to get out of their situation.
The first step to problem solving is identifying the problem, after that you are able to pinpoint the best solution.
Yes they are days when your man may have his bad days, but never should you feel frightened, trapped, controlled or totally emotionally blackmailed!
A healthy and happy relationship is filled with more joy than conflict and should also be filled with peace and progress. So let’s take a look at a few scenarios where you are actually being a victim of some type of abuse:
1: He doesn’t let you see you friends or family unless it’s on his terms.
This guy is all about trying to control you, he knows that friends and family are an integral part of life as it gives us a sense of joy and completion, that’s why he tries to take it away from you.
Being in control of who you spend your time with isn’t just about his insecurities it’s actually about him trying to restrict your happiness and depend solely on him for that.
Whether he uses the guilt trip every time you want to see your friends or just flat out refuses to let you have a social life, this man has only one thing on his agenda and that is to control your happiness in every way.
2: He threatens to kill himself if you try to break up with him.
It seems rather extreme yet this type of emotional blackmail has a hold over many women. When a man is that desperate and broken he will literally do anything to try and keep you by his side , and what better way to ensure this then to threaten to end his life if you leave.
This type of abuse is about them playing the victim and making you out to be the bad guy, even though you have never actually done anything wrong!
In fact you have probably done the complete opposite and gone over and above for this man and tried to do whatever you can to please and help him.
Sadly because he doesn’t know how to love himself he will then try to control you to keep you. Most of the time it’s just a threat to make you feel guilty and helpless, the best thing to do is call the police if he threatens to hurt himself.
3: When he is in the wrong he turns the conversation around so you feel guilty and he makes out it’s your fault not his.
Once again this guy likes to play the victim, usually because he knows he is wrong but has a narcissistic attitude and cannot handle correction or coming off second best.
He will always turn everything around to be your fault and that you should feel sorry for him, the crazy part is that after a while we start to believe there is something wrong with us and we start apologising for things we haven’t even done!
In essence this guy wants to control you and even emotionally blackmail you into believing whatever he wants you to believe.
4: He constantly puts you down, belittles and makes nasty comments about you.
A good man will always be building you up, praising and complimenting you, not to fill your ego but because he loves you and he is secure within himself.
Another form of an abusive relationship is when a man is constantly ripping at your self -esteem, name calling and squashing you down so you feel like nothing. It’s a form of verbal abuse –even if there are no swear words, but it’s also a form of emotional and mental abuse and should never be tolerated!
5: He constantly plays games and thrives off you being anxious and unsettled.
This guy is all about trying to control you and in some way is quite sadistic about it. Whether it’s him not answering your calls for several days so you are worried sick , or perhaps giving you mixed signals and making up stories that sound questionable , either way this guy loves that you are centring your world around him.
A healthy and happy relationship has security, loyalty and trust as foundations!
6: He’s jealous of everything you do and you feel like you are constantly walking on eggshells.
Another insecure man trying to hinder you from being all that you can because he feels so inadequate himself. Whilst that may sound blunt it really is the reality , and you shouldn’t have to feel like you need to watch your every move in fear of him exploding in anger , making you feel guilty or perhaps giving you radio silence as punishment.
Ladies I have been in every one of these situations and all I can say is that it is hard to see the reality of it until you have broken free.
Love is a grand and wonderful thing, don’t kid yourself you aren’t meant to be hurting and crying and sad all the time. The right man will give you wings to fly and the freedom and joy you will feel will be like nothing you’ve ever felt before.
If you or anyone you know is suffering from domestic violence and abuse there is help out there . Call Lifeline today and start the process to free and protect yourself.