Are you too fussy?
When it comes to dating, every woman wants the process of finding Mister Right to be as easy as possible. So, it’s natural to set standards in place because they help sift out the good men from the bad and ugly.
But what happens when you feel you are doing the right thing by laying down that law and keeping your eyes on the prize, only to find you aren’t getting a bite? Chances are your expectations could be a little off course and actually doing you more harm than good.
If you have a list of dating expectations that are never met, then you are sealing your fate to either stay single or attract someone who has the same problem – and let’s face it, that isn’t a healthy recipe for love.
So let’s look at 7 indications that your dating expectations are too high.
1. You are struggling to find men
If you feel that you have run out of options, it’s time to put things into perspective. There are currently 4 billion singles in the world of which half of them are aged between 24-49 years old. Plus, on top of this, we now have more ways than ever to actually identify who is single and initiate a date.
So, the matter isn’t that there aren’t enough fish in the sea, but that you are scaring them away because your expectations make them feel they have to jump through hoops. And because men know they have options, they are going to date women who appreciate them.
Men don’t pull back from women for no reason. The majority of the time it’s because they don’t feel good about themselves when they are with that woman, and that be because your standards are so high that he feels he can never actually meet them.
2. Everyone says that you are too fussy
If people are saying something repeatedly to you, then it’s worth taking notice, especially if it is coming from friends or family who know you quite well. Truth is we all have different desires when it comes to finding the perfect partner, and what might seem far fetch for some is completely achievable for others.
The indication then that you are “too fussy” will be that no one will be able to meet any of your standards and you will be left always looking for more instead of actually acknowledging what someone has in front of you.
If your standards are too high you will also lack flexibility, refuse to comprise and start finding fault in ridiculous things that aren’t even important. Instead, take your ideal list and divide it into needs and wants.
Needs should reflect what is necessary to help you feel fulfilled in that relationship, but also what is essential to building a healthy foundation. Wants are just added desires that are more like extra bonuses but not really integral to the health and happiness of your relationship.
3. You are constantly scrutinizing your dates
Dating for you is far from this fun activity of getting to know someone, instead, you’ve turned it into an interview process. If your standards are too high then it will be obvious because you will be pulling your dates to pieces, drilling them and sizing them up instead of enjoying their company.
Whilst it’s important not to waste time on the wrong ones, it’s also equally as vital to learn to see the potential of someone and value them for what they, not just what you want.
The best thing to do is to go on a date with an open mind and focus on the positive rather than what they don’t have on your standards list. Try and date someone who is close to what you would like, so it’s not a waste of anyone’s time, but approach the date with the mindset that you are just going to get to know them.
4. Your dates never seem to make you happy
If you aren’t getting joy out of dating, then you are doing it wrong. A big sign of someone that needs their standards reassessed, is someone who is always miserable or complaining about things that should actually be enjoyable and fun.
Yes, we all have moments and dates that aren’t exactly the fairy-tale we had hoped for, but if every single date makes you regret it, question it and pull it to pieces, then you are either dating the wrong people or your standards are just too high.
At the end of the date, if they aren’t who you wanted, you should hopefully still be able to walk away feeling like you got something from it, whether it was a lesson learned, a good laugh or just a nice time out.
5. You feel like you don’t have good options
We’ve already established that the options are plentiful, so if you are struggling to find someone to actually date, then chances are your “date-worthy” qualifications list is a little too long.
Whilst it’s important to narrow the dating pool down to who you ideally want, there has to also be room for compromise and thinking outside the square. Part of the excitement of dating is the element of surprise, which happens when we allow flexibility in our thinking and “dream partner” list.
Dating apps can give us choice fatigue – which is when we become overwhelmed with how many people there are to choose from. So, the best thing to do here is to stick to only one app or two methods of finding dates and try and find the potential in the options available to you.
6. Men say you are high maintenance
Well if there is one sure way to tell, it’s because men literally tell you that you are too much hard work and that they can’t please you. Communicating that you are a high-value woman and coming across as high maintenance are two different things.
And whilst we might think we are laying down boundaries to deter the wrong men, we are also putting up walls that block the good ones from feeling welcomed in our life.
If you are worried about being hurt or just don’t want to settle for second best, then instead of building walls too high to protect yourself, use time to help determine a man’s character and intentions.
7. You have no peace or progress
Chances are if your standards are too high, then you are also single for longer than you had hoped for, or you aren’t currently fulfilled in the relationship you are in.
Two big indications of a healthy relationship whether it be the initial dating phase or commitment phase is that there is peace and progress. If you aren’t progressing in your love life and you have felt like the above 6 points resonated with you, then it’s not him, it’s you. Ouch.
Truth is we are the common denominator in our lives and that means we have to take responsibility for who we are and what we communicate to the world. Your standards need to be set right form the first date, as it will determine the tone of that relationship you build, but it’s about first making sure your standards are realistic.
A big reason why we have high standards is that we have been burnt in the past and are afraid to repeat that same pain. Or another reason might just simply come down to the fact that you are unaware of what healthy high standards should look like.
Learning to compromise isn’t about settling for an average relationship, but instead giving yourself the chance to learn more about someone else and yourself without feeling you have to control everything.
Article originally published for Go Dates