Love those red flags?
If you are somebody who ends up dating guys or falling for guys that then later on reveal their true toxic nature, then my guess is, is that you’re not aware of what red flags look like.
And in this video I actually want to give you eight red flags that you need to be aware of if you’re dating somebody or in a relationship which could actually lead to an incredibly toxic situation.
Now let’s talk about red flags.
Sometimes they are really glaringly obvious and other times we don’t see them until they start to show later on down the track.
And the last thing that we want to do is fall in love with potential rather than recognize patterns early on.
Number one: He jokes about sex all the time.
Okay girls, did you actually know that men reveal the truth in their jokes? What he usually jokes about is an indication of his thoughts and his intentions.
So if he’s constantly joking about things that are suggestive or talking about sex or jokes about getting you naked, then chances are that is what is on his mind and that is only what he wants for.
Number two: He changes who he is depending on who it is that he is around.
If you’re dating a guy and he’s really lovey-dovey and amazing with you when it’s just the two of you alone, but then when you’re around his friends or in an environment wheer there’s other women…
And he really becomes distant, and he kind of treats you more like a friend and it’s basically opposite to how he is when you’re alone, then that could be a red flag.
You want to actually get to know a guy’s character and intentions by what he is consistent in because whatever it is that he is consistent in is an indication to his default character.
And his default character is basically who he really is when he’s not on his best behavior.
And I always tell all my clients to take their time to actually date a guy and to get to know him in different environments and circumstances because it is going to help you work out, okay, who is this man really? Does he change when he’s drinking lots of alcohol?
Does he change when he’s around friends, does he change when he’s just by himself with me and he becomes really controlling and aggressive?
Number three: He leaves a long gaps in between communication.
Not everyone has the same style to communicate, but if he goes five days without talking to you, then all of a sudden he’s like, “Oh hey, we still on for that date?” And you have a great date and then you don’t hear from him again and then he does it again.
Then to that is a red flag because someone who is ready to prioritize you and show that they value you, they won’t leave long gaps of time in between actually communicating to you.
Now, if he does have long gaps in between communicating with you, it could be an indication that he’s just not ready for a relationship. It could also mean that he’s maybe seeing what other options he has out there.
Maybe he’s just busy and that is what is his focus at the moment. Either way, if you want to date somebody, then make sure that they’re actually not leaving you guessing every second day where the hell they are and what it is that they’re doing.
Now before I jump into the next tip girls, I want to let that I’ve actually packaged all this up and put it in a free cheat sheet for you.
You can get a copy sent directly to your inbox, which includes a checklist so that you can work out, okay, is this guy giving me lots of red flags before I even go on the first day or is he giving me a whole lot of red flags even though we’ve been dating for a couple of weeks?
Number four: He criticizes you or the people around you.
Not every one’s a positive polly, but if you are dating a guy and he’s constantly putting you down, making fun of you and basically making you feel like crap, then that really isn’t a basis of a healthy relationship.
It could be an indication that this man has controlling or narcissistic sort of tendencies or maybe he’s just a really miserable person.
Number five, he makes you feel guilty .
For either something that he has done wrong or for you wanting to say no. If a guy puts too much pressure on you and you say, “No, I’m not comfortable with that.” Whether it is intimacy, whether it’s moving too fast, whether it is going into an environment that you just don’t want to be in.
And then he then teases you about it and makes you feel guilty about it as if it’s all your fault, then that is not cool.
That to me is actually an indication of controlling and narcissistic behavior where they play the victim and you’re always in the wrong.
And that can be really dangerous because we can then start to feel pressure to do things that we don’t want to do.
Or we can start to question whether or not we are actually overreacting to something. And maybe we should give in.
Just remember girls, you are not obligated to do anything on a date or with a man. And then you have every right to be able to say no.
And if he starts to use that against you, then just know it is a red flag.
Which brings me to point number six. He tries to control you.
There’s a difference between having a guy lead you in a relationship and lead you on a date and downright trying to control you for his own pleasure or because of his own insecurities.
So if he is trying to control your decisions, your opinion by either, again, making you feel guilty for saying no. Or trying to take over everything that you do.
Or telling you what you should wear, or telling you who you can go and see and how you can’t see that friend.
And basically monitoring your life so that you feel suffocated and you start to second guess yourself all the time.
Again, to me that is a major red flag and it’s also an indication of narcissistic behavior, emotional abuse and it’s something that you do not have to put up with.
Number seven, he has secretive behavior.
All right. Now secretive behavior could be anything from him hiding his phone or maybe things not really adding up where he says one thing about a friend that’s just a friend, but then you find out that it is actually his ex-girlfriend. Okay.
Is basically in congruency where he says one thing, but then his actions don’t really follow through or you feel that there’s his uneasiness and that there isn’t a lot of trust there.
Secretive behavior is different to behavior where you’re trying to protect your relationship.
Privacy in a relationship is about protection. Secrecy is about hiding something and if he does have secretive sort of behavior, then you need to ask yourself, what is he hiding.
Number eight: He always goes on about how crazy or psycho his ex was.
This is a major red flag , because he is always the victim.
You’ve got to stop and remember, okay, if he’s got all these crazy exes around him, he’s the common denominator and you yourself know that you’re not crazy.
So why all of a sudden has it changed? And it becomes something that just doesn’t really add up because he’s always making out that he’s the victim and all the other women are the bad ones.
And if a guy constantly plays the victim and you will know this because when you start to do things and hold him accountable, he will actually turn it against you.
Then again, that could be narcissistic behavior and it could also be an indication that he’s actually the one with the issues that all these other women actually just call him out on his crap and he wasn’t prepared to deal with it.
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Originally posted 2019-09-20 21:11:42.