We’ve all heard of drug addicts, alcoholics and even sex addicts, but now there’s an explanation for another form of a continuous self destructive pattern: A Love Addict! Crazy who could have thought that such a title meant you need counselling and actually have serious emotional and mental issues, I mean how can loving lots of people be detrimental? But it seems to be a term I have heard quite a lot of lately in regards to females describing the patterns they have in their relationships, and you know what it actually makes total sense! So what exactly does it mean to stand up in a focus group and declare that you are struggling with an addiction to love? My explanation (through my own understanding and talking to such addicts) is that it is someone who is continuously looking for love from another/others to fulfil their own lack of self love. So let’s look at a few signs that could indicate you might be addicted to something other than shopping or chocolate:
1: You hate being single
Being single to you means being unhappy, you constantly crave attention and company and don’t know how to be comfortable, whole and happy during your singleness. In a way being single conjures all sorts of fear, such as the fear of loneliness, rejection and not ever being loved the way you yearned to be. To you it can represent your failure to find a man or be in a relationship, it makes you think there is something wrong with you or that you need to change in order to have someone stay with you. Being single can pose its struggles but before we can attract the right man for us, we first must be a whole and happy individual. Waiting for someone else’s presence in your life to complete your happiness is like wishing for a pot to fill with water when it has a hole in the bottom; in short it’s an empty promise. The important thing to remember in your singleton time is that you are still an incredible person with a lot to give, and that your worth should never be determined by your marital status.
2: You date men who mistreat you and can’t commit
If you are a love addict chances are you are dating the same type of man over and over again and have a reoccurring pattern that leaves you feeling emotionally bankrupt. Because you are wanting attention and company so much, you naturally tend to lower your standards just so you can fill the position. You give everything up too fast and easily instead of setting boundaries and making them work for it, which basically means that you are the giver and they are the taker. When you have a healthy understanding of love you will start to attract the right man who gives and takes equally and respects you and your boundaries and actually wants to commit and build something with you.
3: You have low self value
This is evident with the way you let men and even other friends and people treat you. Once again you are always trying to change to fit in with everyone and have lowered your standards just so that you can have someone in your life to give you that emotional high you need. Being a love addict means that you will keep going back to the same man over and over again that is openly abusing you and your ability to give. You have lost your boundaries and have forgotten your true worth because you are too focused on trying to feel loved and wanted. The biggest love you will ever learn is learning to first love yourself in a healthy way.
4: Your relationships aren’t lasting
If you are a love addict chances are you have started to develop patterns in your relationships whereby they are either inconsistent on/off or they just aren’t lasting and the men you have given so much too are walking out on you. This is usually because once again you have let down all boundaries and are giving all your pearls away too soon before you’ve had a chance to learn about his true character. On the other hand you might be in the same relationship which has been through countless breakups and make-ups for even years yet nothing ever changes. Being addicted to love means that even negative attention is better than no attention at all, and to you it fills a void but for a moment. A healthy relationship starts with a healthy self love which understands what is acceptable and what is not, no matter the emotional attachment.
5: You mix sex up with love
A big indication is that you are sleeping easily and readily with any man who gives you attention. When someone is physically intimate with you it plugs that hole in your heart and makes you feel ‘loved’ and wanted if just for a few moments, yet leaves you with the sensation of emptiness afterwards when they have left (with no commitment or promise of their feelings). You know that if you give him sex chances are he will stay a little longer and it will give you that intimacy that you are craving. Sex and love are two very different things and both can be incredibly for filling once used together but this isn’t possible till you have a clear understanding of the difference between the two.
If you think that perhaps you are someone who is addicted to love then maybe it’s time you started seeking help so that you can create positive changes in your thinking and life to build relationships that are healthy and happy.