Are you causing the conflict in your relationship?

You are the common denominator

It was a strange and rather confronting notion that out of all my broken relationships I was the common denominator!

Not exactly something you want to admit but it definitely is a humbling and defining moment because you then can start to identify what it is that YOU do wrong to contribute to the downfall of a partnership.

Whist some of the more common reasons might be dating the wrong guy over and over again or needing to learn self -love, for myself I also realised that I use to contribute…and even start the fighting unnecessarily so.

I later learnt after going to professional counselling that this was due to my parent’s constant fighting and my lack of self- love and the need for a reaction to feel in control ( yes you could say I had my share or issues too!)

So let’s look at a few tell-tale signs that you are indeed causing more trouble in your life than you mean to:

You might be addicted to drama

You might not even be aware that your life is now starting to mimic a TV soap opera! Being addicted to drama means that you unconsciously thrive off creating reactions and in turn getting attention.

It’s not necessarily about being a diva but rather you don’t know how to be content with situations, people or relationships without feeling like you have sense of control over the whole thing.

For you a negative reaction is better than no reaction at all and most of your actions stem from your lack of security and inner peace.

You jump to illogical conclusions

Perhaps you have an over reactive imagination or just let your mind run lose, either way you tend to think the worse and then choose your words and actions based off that instead of calmly waiting and rationalising .

When you draw conclusions based out of insecurities rather than logic you run the risk of heightening and worsening the fight! Maybe the reason he hasn’t returned you call was because his phone battery died…not because he has run off to Alaska with a Russian bikini model with size DD breasts and shiny hair?!

Choose to wait till you have all the evidence in from of you and have heard his opinion first before you retaliate.

You have trust issues

Girl the truth is if you are causing a whole lot of unnecessary fights then you most likely have trust issues. Accusing your man of something without any evidence is only going to make him resent you.

Yes you should follow your intuition and you will really know when something is amiss, but jumping to conclusions and throwing accusations around and expecting justification will result in even deeper problems and heated arguments.

No one wants to be vulnerable and no one wants to get hurt but if we never took that risk in love we would never fully learn what wonderful rewards and joy it can bring us.

Stop letting your fears and past control your mind and words.

You are insecure and don’t know your own worth

If you have turmoil in your relationship constantly then perhaps it’s because you haven’t learnt to harness self-love. Learning to love yourself wholly and healthily is what will transform every part of your life and in turn attract the peace that you yearn for.

Fear, insecurities and doubt are all signs that you have not learnt to be at peace with yourself or perhaps even realise how much you are worth.

The way we treat someone, react, speak and live our lives is all a big reflection of what is going on inside our head and heart and it also speaks volumes about how we value ourselves.

You are easily offended and overly sensitive

It’s not that you can’t take a joke but there are probably times when you have overreacted about something because you saw it as a personal attack on who you are.

Constantly being on the defensive means that the people in your life feel like they can never have a proper discussion (or even a joke) with you without you getting upset.

This usually is a self defence mechanism that you have developed in order to either A: protect yourself from being hurt or B: to stay in denial that you have issues, can be wrong and need to change.

Either way you need to learn to let down the defences and see things from other people’s perspective because maybe they have the solution you are looking for.

 

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