Are you the ‘Set- Up- Girl ‘?

Ok let me explain the heading: does everyone of your exs’ end up settling down with the girl AFTER you?

Do you feel like you are the one that teaches your man everything and basically prepares him for the next girl after you? Hopefully you’ll get my drift and I’m sure a few of you have experienced that feeling of disappointment and perhaps exasperation when the man you have invested soooo much into breaks up with you and then does all those things you wanted him to do with you to the next girl straight after?!

What is with that (like seriously we should charge a fee for all the time and effort invested?!) The thing is when this seems to become a regular occurrence with each relationship we can start to question if there is something wrong with us.

However it’s time to hit this myth on the head and regain some perspective on the situation with a few practical facts:

Sometimes it’s you but sometimes it’s them!

OK so no one is perfect, we know this and each relationship we have grows and educates us individually, however when the same pattern keeps on repeating itself we have to look at the reason this is happening and there are basically 2 explanations:

1) you are dating the wrong type of guy over and over again.

2) you keep repeating the same mistakes, bad habits or haven’t resolved you own issues and baggage.

At the end of the day what it really comes down to is that you aren’t meant for one another, this does not define who you are but it also gives you an opportunity to see where you can improve as well as evaluate your ex’s character .

It does take two to tango , and sometimes one person does contribute more than the other to a breakdown of a relationship , but don’t be too harsh on yourself, if you really did do everything you could have done then it probably was not the right man for you.

He wasn’t the one for you

Again, don’t put all your eggs in one basket and keep your heart guarded till you know a man’s true character. Just because your relationship didn’t work out with you whilst it did with the next girl, does not mean you were any less of a woman or partner.

People come into our life seasonally and it’s important to understand when that season is over so that you can let it go (cue Disney’s “Frozen” theme song) and move on to be with a man that is right for YOU. It’s a process and sometimes we have to kiss a few frogs before we find the prince, so don’t be disheartened.

This does not define who you are

Stop thinking that there is something wrong with you; think instead of it being a great way to prepare you for the right man. Learn what you can from each relationship, let it refine your character, build your strength, improve your wisdom and make you the best possible partner for the right man.

Let your exs’ be the set up guys (or training ground) for you! If we started basing our worth of the success or failure of our relationships our life would be a rollercoaster of emotions and that’s not how it’s meant to be.

The right one will commit to you

OK so your ex who you were with for several years broke up with you because he couldn’t commit yet 3 months later he’s engaged to a new woman and giving her puppies and babies !

Relax this does not mean you were a terrible partner or will forever be confined to singleness, sometimes it’s as simple as he wasn’t the right one. The thing is we can try to force someone to love us and try to change men (oh how we love to do that!) but realistically it’s just never going to happen.

The worst part is we think we are a failure once it ends, but the reality is it was never meant to last anyway. By letting go of your ex you are effectively allowing the right man to walk into your life (now there’s something to look forward to!) .

The right man at the right time will want to commit to you and keep you, you won’t be the set up girl you’ll be THE girl he seals himself with. So stop labelling yourself or putting yourself down because you can’t hold a man down, honey the right one won’t have to be tied down, he’ll just want to stay of his own accord.

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