Dating Under Influence – why chemistry can be misleading

So you’ve met a guy and he’s really into you.

You’re excited that you’ve finally met someone you like and things are working out.


Is this initial intensity any indication that things will work out?  Unfortunately, no!


How keen he is in the first rush of excitement is no real indication of success!


It is important not to get too swept away by all that energy.




Because men get excited when they meet a woman they like and have a tendency to come on too strong. They also don’t want another guy to snap you up.


Chemistry and attraction are the same as being under the influence of alcohol or drugs – you just can’t think straight.


When a guy is intoxicated by chemistry the part of his brain related to judgement shuts down. His vision is blurred by the attraction he feels. It causes temporary blindness, magnifying your good points and allowing him to overlook any bad points. It makes him idealize you –he falls for his idea of you, not who you really are.


Men love the mystery and excitement of meeting the girl who’s not like anyone he’s ever met before. He’s thrilled by the uncertainly and challenge of the chase –  it increases the attraction.


In the initial stages, the guy is literally operating ‘under the influence’. This is the reason why you can’t take his initial level of interest as a done deal.


Do guys do this on purpose?


The answer is no, unless of course he’s a player!


A player’s intention is to sleep with you. But most guys are just blinded by attraction and chemistry!


So, with all that magnetism, what happens to make him suddenly lose interest? He sobers up.


It’s pretty much the same as if you’d been out all night and had too much to drink. You wake up the next day trying to work out what happened the night before.


You’d had the best time, and you loved everything. It was a great night; until you wake up the next morning and nothing feels the same. You’re wondering what happened, and trying to work out why you did or thought that!


This is exactly what happens when a guy pulls away. Instead of magnifying your good points and overlooking your bad points – he sees everything clearly.


This happens because you’ve done or said something that sobered him up. It might come when he doesn’t have to chase you anymore; it might be after you’ve finally had sex, and you said something that triggered a reaction in him, or that first argument.


At this point the guy panics and pulls back. He wonders how the hell he ended up where he is. Everything looks less than perfect, just like the morning after.


When he sobers up he realizes he has gone too fast and too deep, without any idea how it happened!

The guy doesn’t intend to hurt or mislead you, he’s just no longer blinded by chemistry.


At this point he steps back to figure out what he’s feeling, and he needs space.


You move towards him to see if you can fix things and instead of him acting how he did before, he pulls away and freaks out. This leaves you confused and wondering what you’ve done wrong.


The result is you don’t know where you stand. It makes you both anxious and upset. The guy has gone from being super keen to being unsure about it all.

So how can you stop this from happening?

It’s simple – Slow down.

You may not want to put the brakes on, because it feels great having a guy you like so keen on you. But you need to take it easy.


Instead of allowing the guy to go at 100, slow down the pace to 40. You’re less likely to crash when you come to a bend in the road.

In the early days it’s up to you to appreciate his efforts and set the pace for when you see each other.


Don’t give up all your plans and be sitting ready every time he asks you out. If you’ve agrees to hang out with girlfriends, keep those plans. If you have a Wednesday night yoga class, don’t miss it.

Slow and steady gets results.

  1. It gives you time to get to know each other, to see if you work well together.
  2. It allows you the chance to see if his actions match his words.
  3. If you spend every night together, you’ll tell him too much too soon. He’ll end up with information overload; without time to process. Remember: guys LOVE mystery!
  4. Men need space to work out how much they like you, let him miss you!


Taking things slowly ALWAYS gets better results!


 About The Author 

Debbie Rivers, is a Certified Practitioner in Coaching, Neuro-Linguistic Programming expert and certified matchmaker.  Debbie and her team take a holistic approach to helping people overcome any obstacles lying between them and the love they are seeking. She is the founder of Dare2Date , a matchmaking site in Perth which offers both singles events and relationship coaching services to help people create the love life they desire. 


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