Divorce Advice When You First Separate
It is this downward spiral experienced by one or both partners that can lead to a nasty divorce. Here is some great advice when emotions are flying and conversations are heated.
Get Off The Phone
Emotions are running rampant, and often your verbal filter is non-existent. Your partner just knows how to rub you the wrong way. This is the time when you can likely say something in the heat of the moment that could make your current situation worse.
To combat this, stick to texts and emails for now. This allows you to take your time when responding, allow your temper to dampen and create a more levelheaded response. If you have children, it reduces the possibility that they will overhear a heated argument between their parents.
Another benefit is it creates documentation of any agreements, future scheduling for the children, or in the event that you end up in the family law court.
If you are cannot stand your ex, or are having a hard time talking to them in person or over the phone, then there is nothing wrong with other forms of communication.
Don’t Respond To Everything & Don’t Respond Immediately
Communicating with an angry ex-partner can often be exhausting, stressful and emotionally draining. Often there can be many heated verbal battles and nasty words can be exchanged.
However, you don’t have to respond to everything your spouse throws your way. Before you press send on that email or text message, sleep on it, or run it by a trusted (and level headed) friend.
It is always good to choose your words carefully. Keep it short and to the point. Always ask yourself what you would share with the local person at the checkout. You wouldn’t ask them who they were sleeping with, so don’t ask your ex. It is not the time to launch into a long email about what they did wrong and how you were hurt.
If your partner sends a message criticizing or throwing jabs at you, then it is a good idea to just ignore it complete and not respond. Spare yourself any nastiness and let go of the need to defend yourself against your ex.
People Change. You Are Not A Failure
A common harmful mindset people get after a divorce is your decision to be with you ex-partner in the first place was a mistake. The end of your relationship shouldn’t deteriorate the positive memories you have. The success of a relationship isn’t determined by how long it lasts or the final months before it ends.
You invested a lot of love and energy in your relationship. At the time it was worth it. However, that investment doesn’t always guarantee it will last forever.
Circumstances change. People change. Relationships change.
You are not a failure. Often, we underestimate how much we will change over time. We change a lot. Sometimes it is in the same direction as our partner, sometimes it is not. Sometimes this realisation can creep up on us alarmingly quick.
It happens. Don’t regret your relationship. Don’t beat yourself up for separating.
People change. It is part of being human.
Don’t Do It Alone. Get Outside Help.
Often, there is an incredible sense of loneliness during a divorce that can often be overwhelming. To combat this, surround yourself with friends, family, and professionals who support your decision and are committed to a smooth divorce for you.It can be very easy to fall into the trap of hating your ex, particularly with a messy divorce. However, getting caught up in your hate can cause more stress and upset for you and other family members involved.
Venting is an excellent way to let off steam, move past negative feelings and move forward. However, if you do need to vent, make sure it is not around children and you remain civil around your ex. Feeling frustrated and angry is OK, but acting in the moment may be detrimental in the long term. Express yourself to a friend, counselor or support group. Often a therapist or family psychologist can provide an outside ear and professional advice to help you through this tough situation.
A family lawyer can also provide support and advice regarding your legal rights and responsibilities. Working with a professional will enable you more time for yourself and children, whilst they look after the legal side of things.Any extra support can make the divorce process easier and manageable for you.
About The Author
Nathan Hughes and his team of Sydney family lawyers at Familylegalsydney.com understand that family legal issues can often be stressful. They are passionate about providing a high quality and friendly service to help people move forward with their life. Their team is committed to helping couples through their divorce as smoothly and stress-free as possible.