Yes we have all had a friend (or perhaps been that friend…*cough) where we start to justify the relationships we are in or the treatment of someone by using the phrase “but I love him”!!!
Well that’s all very warm and fuzzy but emotions should never stop you from experiencing a healthy and happy relationship or just the basics like being treated right. It’s easy to get so caught up in “love” and all those gooey feelings and butterflies that we start to lose perspective on what is actually normal and acceptable.
I know from experience myself that the heart can be a lot stronger than the mind and make you act irrationally and stay with someone that openly treats you like crap.
Abuse is not love.
Yes for some this is pretty obvious but alas you would probably be surprised by just how many women seem to think that certain behaviours are tolerable because “you love him”!
Real love is not just feelings or words but in actual fact actions and I don’t mean the act of him sending you flowers to say “ sorry “ for being a verbally and emotionally abusive towards you the day before.
Examples of abuse are:
• Verbal (offensive language, name calling etc…)
• Physical ( hitting, pushing, harming and violence)
• Mental ( putting you down, controlling your life , threats, making you question who you are/ self esteem )
• Emotional ( blackmailing, using your feelings against yourself so you feel trapped, self esteem etc)
• Sexual ( unwanted sexual advances or touching )
• Social ( publically putting you down, degrading you in front of others )
Of course some situations aren’t as bad as others, and perhaps you are just dating someone who is unable to commit, uses you or expects you to compromise on everything without getting anything back in return? Either way it’s time to take a step back and really look at the man your are dating, yes you love him, but does his actions, words and behaviours speak love back?
Settling not Compromising.
There is a difference ladies and if you are unsure what that is then I suggest you read one of my recent blogs The difference between Compromise and Setting. It’s one thing for you to have some difficulties and conflict in your relationship, but it’s another thing to be constantly unhappy and taken advantage of .
Afraid to let go?
You will not die alone with 72 cats and be eaten by Alsatians (even Bridget Jones had a happy ending after 30!) so relax, you can and will fall in love again with a wonderful man that WANTS to treat you the way you deserve to be treated.
It’s hard to step back from someone let alone walk away when there is such a strong physical, emotional and mental tie to them. This is where you will need to use your emotional intelligence and look practically at the situation rather than emotionally.
If you have identified that you need to walk away from a relationship that is unhealthy then don’t try to do it by yourself, lord knows how bloody hard it is to do especially when you haven’t fallen out of love with the man.
Use your friends and family for support; let them keep you accountable as well as be your distraction. Stick to whatever decision you have made, see beyond the present heartbreak and remind yourself daily why you need to do this, you can never lose by putting your self-worth first.
No communication is best as open wounds are made raw every time we decide to re engage with someone we cannot and should not be with at this point in time.
Happily ever after does exist.
Yes it does! It may not look like a Disney movie and he may not ride in on a white stallion with his bronzed muscled chest gleaming in the sunlight #sigh …but there is a happy ending ( or rather beginning)waiting for you.
Don’t let yesterday’s problems and today’s heartbreak hold you back from experiencing love as how it’s meant to be. It is actually normal to be happy and in an equal give and take relationship and expecting that is not selfish or unrealistic.
A man should never complete you, but only add to you. Work on being a whole person and loving yourself so that at the right time when your Prince Charming comes along you are able to identify him and step into the opportunity with a full heart and a healthy mindset.