Is He A Total Flake?
So, you’re really excited about your date this weekend. You’ve been chatting to this guy and you feel like this could actually be something. And then the time ticks around and you get the text, the text that basically cancels on you last minute. Guess what? You are dating somebody who is flakey.
So what do you do? How do you respond to a guy who flakes out last minute, in a way that you can still come across as a high-value woman who knows her worth?
Okay, the first thing that I want to say is this ladies: what is really key here is prevention, not adaption. If you find yourself in a position where you are dating these guys who seem to be like, “Yeah, yeah. Let’s go on a date.” And then they don’t and you’ve already canceled all your plans, when really it’s going to sting and it’s going to make you feel like, “Hang on a second. Are all men like this?” No, not all men are like that.
There are men who are out there who actually do want to invest and are looking for a high-value woman because they are high-value men. So, what we need to do is almost safeguard ourselves so that you can assess his character and assess his level of investment first. How do we do that?
Now, before I jump into these really practical tips on what to do and what to say, don’t forget to subscribe, give me a thumbs-up, and drop a “thanks Renee” on my Youtube Channel.
Hi, everyone. Welcome back to my blog. I’m Renee Slansky. I’m a professional dating and relationship coach, and I help women from around the world date smart and strategically, break toxic cycles, and know how to set their standards to set themselves up for love.
All right, let’s talk about those flakes out there. And I’m not talking about the chocolate. I’m talking about those guys that seem to have a lot of potentials, maybe you’ve even gone on a couple of dates, but then they start to be wishy-washy. They say they’re going to go on a date with you and then they cancel last minute. Then you give him a second chance and he does it again. And you’re in a position where basically, you’re over it.
So how do you make sure that you don’t keep getting your hopes up, or keep entertaining someone who clearly isn’t ready to invest in you?
If he says, “I would love to take you out on a dinner date or drinks on Saturday night. Do you think you’re free?”
Instead of just being like, “Yes, I’m all in” or playing it cool and then canceling all your plans and basically planning your wedding in your head, say it to him instead: “Sounds like a great idea.
I would love to go on a date with you. Let me know by Friday at the latest, because I just need to make sure that I have all my other plans in order.”
Now, that sentence alone is affirming yes, you would like to go on a date.
You’re not just going to hang out and you see this as a date.
That’s the first thing to do because you want to show, this is what I’m after.
I’m actually after someone who is ready to court me, and hoping that that’s you.
The second thing you’re doing is you’re giving him a timeframe
To say, “Let me know by this time” without making it sound like you’re demanding something. It’s pretty realistic, and you’re giving him a reason why. “Because I need to make sure that all my other plans are in order,” showing him that you’re not just waiting around and you’re not just free and accessible whenever he wants, but you also have a life outside of him.
That’s really simple, and what it does is it actually does give you some boundaries to work out whether this guy is able to meet that standard.
Now, if it comes around Friday and he confirms, fantastic. If it comes around Friday, you don’t hear from him, maybe you’ve sent a message saying, “Hey, just checking in” and he still doesn’t confirm everything, don’t go and just sit around and wait for him to confirm.
Continue on with your weekend. Continue on with your doing.
Don’t put your life on hold for somebody who cannot be bothered to text back or follow through on their word.
If he does say, “Yeah, sure. Definitely on for Saturday night,” then you get the last minute text on Saturday when you’re meant to be going for your date, you want to make sure that A, there’s a really good reason why that happened and B, he’s communicated it through a phone call. Okay? This is key, ladies.
Having him just kind of text you shows that he thinks it’s okay to be able to escape some sort of accountability when really if he did plan something with you, he confirmed it and then he bailed, it deserves at least a phone call.
Now, if he does call you and gives you a legitimate excuse, then I think that’s fair enough. We need to have some sort of grace period.
However, if you’re finding that he’s constantly doing this, then you need to communicate to him that you’re not somebody who dates pastries. Because pastries are flakey, right? And maybe that’s something you want to say to him.
Next time he says, “Hey, how about we do a date then?” Say, “Look, I really liked getting to know you,” as in past-tense, “liked. “However, I just don’t think that we’re on the same page here, and I don’t want to be kept being stood up or canceled, because I don’t appreciate it.” And that’s simple.
I think often we feel like we have to just accept that behavior or we need to be like, “Oh, sorry. I like you, but…” And we go into this apologetic mode when ladies, you can actually communicate straight up in a kind but the assertive way that you’re not ready or willing to tolerate that behavior.
It doesn’t mean that you need to go into a full-on lengthy text or start criticizing him, or start getting angry and go into a full-on brawl and basically sent him 500 texts. It’s not going to work. It’s not going to change anything.
At the end of the day, dating is about getting to know that person.
And if you’re finding over time that he’s consistent in being inconsistent and flakey, well you’ve got your answer. And there’s no point putting your energy into that person anymore, even if it’s to try and make him see these wrongs, or see the truth, or get an answer of why he’s like that. You have your answer.
Now, it may not be the answer that you want, but it is an answer and now it’s time to focus your energy on somebody who is ready to actually take you on dates.
All right ladies, I really hope this helped you. Now, if you’re somebody who struggles with red flags, meaning you can’t see them or you justify them or you ignore them, then I suggest downloading my free checklist, my red flag checklist. Click here.
I give you literally a checklist to look for in the beginning stages when you’re dating someone, then as you’re starting to move through, to seeing what red flags you should actually be aware of. It’s really, really helpful. All right, let me know if this blog has helped you. If it has, drops a “thanks Renee” down below, give me a thumbs-up, and hit that like button, and I’ll see you guys next time. Bye for now.