Here’s how to have a successful marriage !

Hollywood claims another marriage. Photo courtesy of bittenandbound.com

Hollywood and marriages just don’t seem to work

When Hollywood has claimed yet another marriage as celebrity couple Chris Martin and Gwyneth Paltrow after 11 years of being together , the world was dishearten.  It was unexpected , and that’s probably why we felt discouraged , because if they can’t work it out with all the success and money they have , how can we?

The problem is not within status, money or fame but in the fundamentals of building and protecting your relationship so that it lasts for a lifetime. Let’s take a look at a few simple yet essential ways to keep your marriage healthy, happy and secure in the changing world around us.

1: Make it about the other person.

Marriage is not about you (sorry to burst your bubble) it’s actually about your husband, (and vice versa). It sounds ridiculously simple but we all know that learning to put someone else’s needs before our own, (especially when they are being difficult!!) takes a lot of discipline and conscious thought and self control.

It means swallowing your pride, anger, hurt and bitter words at times because keeping the peace and humbling yourself will actually bring more progress and harmony to the situation. It means that you don’t always have to be right, or make your point or get your way because at the end of the day your man is your priority.

It doesn’t mean you are settling or compromising your happiness; boundaries are important, it just signifys that you have chosen to put aside your own wants, needs and opinions at times so that your husband can feel loved and your marriage can have more peace.

2: Forgive quickly and easily.

Don’t hold grudges, let it go and that means stop constantly bringing up the past or reminding him of previous mistakes he has made. Leave the past in the past, CHOOSE to forgive him quickly so that you can both move forward and live in unity.

Seething over something big or small is not going to achieve much more than a whole lot of conflict, anger and finger pointing. No one is perfect and even if you were wronged, let it go, humble yourself, love your man unconditionally and focus on something new and positive.

It’s not about keeping score!

3: Don’t be afraid to be the one that loves the most.

Biggest and most powerful piece of advice. Love isn’t just a feeling or an emotion, its a word that carries a whole lot of action. It’s a hard thing to swallow the fact that we may show our love for someone more than they show us, but don’t let this scare you, because when you start to love so freely and unconditionally your partner will respond positively (ie: lead by example) .

No one is perfect and people and situations do change, but your lifetime commitment decision doesn’t have to . Allowing yourself to love your husband without self gain gives him permission to do the same, sometimes being the bigger person is about humbling yourself first.

4: Stop trying to change or fix him.

Learn to love and accept your husband for who he is, so that he has the courage to step into who he can be. Men need to hear that who they are is enough, they need to know that their role as the head of the marriage and just being a man in general is being for filled properly.

Yes there will be qualities that will grind on your nerves, but don’t focus on them, focus on the good ones and give him praise for those. Men don’t respond to nagging, they respond to silence, praise and loving attention.

If there are major issues that need addressing, do it in such a way that he feels like you are supporting not attacking him, words and tone are everything.

5: Keep the romance alive

Never stop dating your husband, make it a priority to have alone time together EVERY week. Whether it’s a ‘date night’ or a weekend away or even going for a walk in the morning together, keep the spark alive by fanning the flames. Seduce your man daily through your words and actions, show your appreciation and affection for him and try to be intimate with him on a regular basis (kids or no kids !)

6: Respect and honour your partner

This means not publically demeaning him, looking after your appearance and health and giving him praise when it’s due. Acknowledge who he is and what he does for you and your family, stay faithful and do something daily to show your appreciation for who he is, men respond well to encouragement and all it costs us is a few words.

7: Give your man praise.

Again, words of affirmation, it’s not about stroking their ego or lying through your teeth just to keep the peace, but rather it’s learning what to say and what NOT to say.

Simple ladies got nothing nice to say then say nothing at all, don’t speak out of a temporary emotion of anger or hurt, learn to walk away because the feeling will pass but the words will stay. Praise him daily even if it’s just something superficial, make him feel valued and appreciated and you’ll be pleasantly surprised!

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