Here’s the real reasons why we spy on our partners

We all have a little FBI agent inside of us…

And sometimes it comes out more than we want to admit. Snooping in your partners stuff is always a no-no . It doesn’t encourage trust and most of the time we find things that we don’t want to.

Are we ever justified in spying on our partner? Is it ok to look through his phone if we do find something that he was hiding from us?

What can sometimes start of as a harmless little look around , often turns into a deep stalk or investigation as soon as we start to see things we don’t like ( or that just don’t add up!)

It’s almost like a pandoras box…you never know what you’re going to get and chances are it won’t be fun.

Most of the time the reason why we snoop is because we have an unsettling feeling that they are hiding something , and so we start to investigate. The majority of us don’t regret it , because we usually end up confirming our fears. #byeboy

So how many of us have actually done the deed? A recent study by Porch surveyed over 1000 people asking them why and how they creeped on their partners or previous relationships. And here are the results :


Well let’s be honest , I’m not really surprised that women have more insecurities about their partner doing the wrong thing then men. The question is how can we lower that and make sure we are building an open and trusting relationship .

At its core, the idea of snooping on a partner is usually about trust. Relationship experts suggest that a lack of confidence might not just be exclusive to your partner but also apply to yourself. Lacking confidence or feeling not good enough can lead people to paint their partners as the villains.

More than 67 percent of women currently in a relationship admitted to snooping on their partner,compared to less than half of men. As well, for nearly 36 percent of people, meddling in their partner’s privacy started relatively early in the relationship—less than six months after they started dating.

Even though checking on what a significant other is up to without his or her knowledge is more likely to occur at the beginning of the relationship, it may become a behavior that’s hard to break.

In fact, over 66 percent of married people still snooped on their spouses.

It’s not a big surprise that the majority of snooping is done through phones, social media and anything digital. It is how we communicate after all …

In 2014, nearly half of millennials even went so far as to say their social media accounts had a “major impact” on their relationships. When it comes to snooping, technology has a tendency to get between people.

Nearly 57 percent of people said they’d gone through their partner’s text or call history, followed by 50 percent who snooped through their Facebook activity. Still, peeking through their partner’s purse was more pressing for men than checking on their Facebook activity or camera roll.

So why do we rationalise our snooping?

If snooping on a partner can be detrimental to a relationship, why do so many people do it?

For a majority of respondents, the biggest concern wasn’t trust or infidelity—it was simple curiosity. More than 56 percent of people said they snooped on their partner not because they were looking for anything in particular, but because they were naturally curious.


And just because they give us ‘permission’ does it mean we should?


Access to your partners passcode , isn’t a hall pass to go and do what you want. If anything it shows you that they are trusting you.

But it is awfully tempting to go have a sticky beak “just to check” that nothing fishy is going on. Is it wrong? Yup!

Building trust is one of the most important components of a successful relationship.

For some people, that can mean opening up about a sensitive moment from their past, a fear they typically aren’t comfortable sharing, or even what they’ve lied about previously.

Instead of leaving their partners to worry about what they might find behind a locked screen, over 66 percent of respondents shared their phone passcode with their significant other. While slightly less common, nearly 48 percent shared their email passwords, and roughly 38 percent were comfortable giving out their social media passwords.

So do we actually feel guilty about it?


Despite your intentions, going through a person’s wallet, purse, email, or even Facebook activity can be a tremendous invasion of privacy. And even if you’re suspicious of what they’re up to, communication is always a better option than going behind their back to uncover the truth.

Unfortunately, a majority of people who snooped on their partners didn’t regret their behavior. Compared to roughly 22 percent of people in a relationship who regretted prying into their significant other’s personal life, 78 percent said they weren’t sorry about deciding to snoop.

This lack of remorse may be attributed to the likelihood of getting caught. Less than 1 in 3 men and women in a relationship said they were found out for prying into their partner’s affairs, while nearly 68 percent got off scot-free. With no potential repercussions, it could be difficult for some people to feel poorly about playing detective in their significant other’s life.

In conclusion…

Spying on your partner is usually an indication of feeling uneasy about their behaviour, which isn’t a good sign. Or it could be signalling that you are allowing your insecurities to take over your rational mind.

Either way if you look you will probably find something you don’t want to know. The best thing to do is learn to openly ask questions and address your fears with them rather than doing something behind their back.

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