OK it’s time to get some perspective on things ladies, to get our heads out of the clouds , stop over analysing or making excuses and look at things in black and white.
“But love is grey you say” , well unless you are speaking of the renown book Fifty Shades ( which is a poor picture of what love really is!) then I’m afraid you have been deluding yourself all along.
The thing is thanks to social media and the multiple ways to access worldwide opinions then ever before it seems we have lost our way along the way to true love because, well quite frankly we are confused as to watch it actually looks like!
Therefore we can sometimes miss it when it comes along or worse allow someone’s bad treatment of us to be the benchmark. So I have written a quick check list so that you can be reminded not only of what you are worthy of but also so you can identify the relationships that are worth keeping in your life.
You weren’t created to be alone, but you weren’t meant to wander around dazed and confused with a mega phone calling out for Prince Charming either.
Yes each and every relationship looks different and there is no perfect man, but one thing we must not learn to compromise on is the fundamentals and building blocks of love and any healthy relationship.
If you are unsure or anxious or don’t have any peace progress or real joy with your man, then perhaps you are not in the right loving relationship.
So let’s take a quick look at what we SHOULD expect when we fall in love and start a wonderful relationship with a man worthy of our hearts:
• It’s mutual. True love isn’t biased or one sided. It also isn’t spiteful or selfish, it’s all about BOTH of you putting the other person before yourself.
• It’s progressive. That means you are actually heading somewhere TOGETHER and not stagnating or going around in circles. Girl if you are still doing the same crappy rounds after 3 years than its time to reassess! Stop thinking you have to stay in an unhappy relationship just because you’ve already invested so much.
• There’s peace. This means that you aren’t in constant anxiety or confusion or left hanging in limbo
• It’s easy! Sure there will be times of hardship but it’s not meant to be a consistent battle! Really , like really it’s not meant to be as hard as you think.
• There’s no game playing or constant chasing, you are his and he is yours full stop . No one has to try and play cat and mouse; games are for the insecure and immature.
• There’s no abuse. Of any kind, whether it’s verbal or physical or mental.
• Yes there is some conflict, but fighting every single day and being in constant turmoil is not real healthy love and it should not be accepted.
• It builds you up individually as well as a couple.
• There’s unity. You agree on most things, you want the same things, you support one another and you try to work out your differences.
• There is laughter and joy. You are actually happy, your friends and family can evidently see the happiness in your eyes and face and your life is flourishing.
• It’s generous. Meaning both of you want to be givers equally in every part of your relationship, with your words, actions, emotions and time.
• There is good communication. You can talk about problems or little mundane things or even sit in silence contently with each other. There is trust and honesty between you two.
• You have a sure future. Meaning you aren’t left guessing what’s going to happen or living from day to day, instead you are both working towards something together.
• There is consistency. Love isn’t being one person by day and another by night; it should be consistent in character. A good tell tale sign is if their actions line up with their words.
The biggest thing we have to remind ourselves that it’s OK if we don’t get it right the first, second or 30th time, love is not an easy thing to master or identify especially if you have been hurt over and over again.
But what’s important is that we learn and grow from each relationship and continue to move forward and make better habits and decisions so that we can eventually set ourselves up to be loved the way we were always meant to be.