Here’s why you’re settling; and here’s why you shouldn’t .

photo courtesy of

photo courtesy of

It’s easy to become complacent and settle in a relationship that just isn’t everything you’ve ever dreamed of. But living half a life doesn’t have to be an option, so let’s look at a few fears that keep us trapped and take a read of the truths that can set you free:
You’re scared to end up alone

This is a normal fear mainly because we aren’t created to be alone so of course we have that natural inclination in our whole being to be with someone and yearn for them. Being single can be a very scary and daunting status because basically it throws us into the unknown with no certain future (or man!) . But let us not confuse ‘being in love with someone’ with ‘being with someone for the sake of not being alone’. It takes a brave woman to endure a relationship that is average, unhealthy and unhappy, but it takes an even braver woman to walk away from it, alone and in pursuit of something she is deserving of. Not everyone who is in a relationship is in love and not everyone who is alone is lonely, so stop labeling situations based off statuses and start to see the bigger picture . Settling for second rate can eventually lead to you feeling very alone, only you are with someone and this loneliness is probably far greater than the risk that you take being single.

You love the man and hope he and things will change
It’s incredibly hard to walk away from someone that you are in love with, but it is possible and you will heal and find love again. Living in hope is not a bad thing but we also have to see our situation for what it is. If you are unhappy and your relationship is abusive or joyless or just empty it’s not necessarily going to get better if you are betting on your man to change to make it better. If your relationships is unhappy, stagnant and lacks peace, it is a good indication that SOMETHING needs to change not just someone. It’s not to say that your man can’t or won’t change, but putting your life and happiness on hold till he does (or constantly compromising yourself to adapt to him) is not going to give you a guaranteed outcome. There is nothing wrong with trying to work though things but don’t forget to set some boundaries and perhaps even an ultimatum so that your season of unhappiness doesn’t drag on.

You’ve never known anything better
It’s hard to know what you should be expecting when you have nothing to compare it to but relationship disasters one after the other. Every couple has their own journey and story but let’s not forget that the fundamentals of a healthy relationship are very clear and don’t change. Yes we all know it’s not wise to compare, unless that is of course you are using positive and healthy relationships to measure yours up against! Just because something is familiar to you doesn’t mean it is right and if you are sitting there wondering “Is this it? Is there something more?” then chances are the answer is YES there is something far greater waiting for you! We don’t having nagging doubts and anxiety and sadness for no reason, they are bi products of situations in our lives, so take note, listen to your heart and mind and make the choice to strive for what you actually want and deserve.

You don’t love yourself enough
This is probably where it all starts; the love we have for ourselves is what sets us up to attract the right man into our life and then maintain a healthy relationship. Loving yourself is not being selfish but rather learning to put down boundaries, protecting yourself from poisonous people and situations and not settling for anything less than you are deserving off. Whilst you may argue that love should be unconditional, I will argue back that if your “unconditional” love for your man takes away from your own healthy self love and leaves you feel drained and empty then honey you need to be laying some conditions down. The thing is we usually know the truth of the situation in our heart, we just don’t want to admit it because of one of these fears and because change can be painful. But you have one life and you deserve all that your heart yearns for, so it’s time to start loving yourself enough to not settle anymore.

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