Hear me out on this one…
I must say that I am guilty to having always had a lot of male friends, not because I wanted the male attention, but rather because they were easier to get along with, no fuss, no judging and I could be a tomboy around them.
Plus having grown up with two brothers I enjoyed male company because it represented an uncomplicated friendship, well that was until I started dating!
To me a friend was a friend, male or female, but to a male…well a male friend is not that, but rather a direct threat to their relationship with you.
RESPECTING YOUR PARTNER
When you decide to date someone seriously, it’s also a good time to back away from your male friendships. I’m not saying you have to erase them out of your life, but keeping the contact to minimal is respectful to your partner, after all dealing with one male ego is surely enough.
Men like to know they are not in competition with another male, especially one that has had first dibs on your life before them. Choosing instead to try and build a friendship with your partner is a healthy way to substitute the male company in your life.
If you feel like you just have to catch up with your friend, then do so in a causal social environment and preferably in a group situation where either your partner or people he knows and trusts are present.
This isn’t a matter of control or mis trust, but rather respecting your partner and not inviting temptation or conflict into your relationship. If you still feel adverse to the idea of losing your guys friends, than imagine the situation reversed… that should do the trick!
Its true, men really do think about one thing most of the time ( and no its not cars or sports) . They are visual creatures as well as simple ones.
Twirl around in a bikini in front of them when you “hang out“at the beach and I’m pretty sure they’ll be booking days with you at the beach ever weekend!
Whilst you may not have feelings for him, don’t be fooled that he doesn’t have intentions for you. Just because he doesn’t act on them , doesn’t mean he hasn’t thought about it or will in the future when put under pressure of the intervention of another man.
When guys gain your trust with the “just friends” line, they now have a free ticket to spending an umlimited amount unguarded time with you . And spend enough time with someone you respect and have fun with , feelings can develop and boundaries can and will get blurred
. How many movies have we seen where male friends finally reveal their undying love for the heroine. Don’t be naive , men usually have an agenda and it pays to be a little savvy about it.
IS IT REALLY NECESSARY?
At the end of the day, even if you don’t feel anything for your male friend, and he doesn’t feel anything for you and nothing will ever happen blah blah… you have to ask yourself , is it really necessary?
Whilst you may not be a girlie girl , its still good to invest in female friendships and perhaps get your male company from social situations, work colleagues and occasions with other couples.
The best thing is that an incredible and unique friendship can be better formed with your partner when he has no one to compete with. And this is a friendship that will make your relationship more for filling, fun and compatible.
THREE’S A CROWD
Ahh that awkward moment when you , your new date and your best male friend are all at a party and as the waiter passes by with a champagne laden tray , you ask for a drink, and both of them reach for it!
That’s when swooning is allowed only this once to cause distraction. Pretty sure if that doesn’t paint the picture then a few episodes from Sex in the City where Carrie is trying to stay friends with Big but dating that jazz muscian will do the trick.
Ladies unless he’s gay or related to you I’m afraid that you will have to just contend with having your man as your closest male friend.
Originally posted 2013-01-31 22:47:44.