We all want to feel loved, so let’s start with self-love and the emotional havoc created when you don’t create balance in your life.
Self-love is that moment you decide to honour your own needs and you actually follow through with it. Even though you have a to-do list as long as the Nile, you decide to no longer be in denial of your own needs!
You recognise that to retain your sanity you need to stop and take a breather. When you finally do this you realise how nice it is to give yourself that moment and you become determined to make it a regular thing. But then you get caught up in the busyness of life again and this rarely happens.
Being in a constant state of busyness makes you become easily triggered. Instead of being patient and loving towards those you love, busyness makes you become impatient, intolerant and irritable. The more you try to do for others without first balancing your own needs; the more frustration, disappointment and irritability will build within you. This eventually leads to resentment toward others.
“Honesty is being true to yourself and true to what you want in life”
Make sure you set a clear direction for where you want to go in your life and in your relationships with others. Be clear on how you want to feel. What values are important to you? Are you living up to them? Are your thoughts, words and actions leading you toward what you want or are they leading you toward what you don’t want?
Thoughts, Words, Actions and Conflict
It’s up to you to communicate what you want and need in your relationship. This includes the organisation and use of shared spaces as well as your more intimate needs. It’s those constant annoying habits (which seem to be inconsequential and barely worth mentioning) that cause the most trouble in our relationships with others. These end up making us explode like a loaded gun when we don’t speak out and act to resolve them when they are initially just a small trigger.
In every relationship, you are either contributing to creating problems or contributing to resolving them with your thoughts, words and actions. Relationship harmony can easily be restored when your partner fully understands a problem and how they can contribute toward the solution instead of continuing to be part of the problem – and vice versa.
Remember that you are always in charge of your thoughts… and the thoughts you think about yourself or a situation will color (or taint) your words and actions. Sometimes it can seem like you’re not appreciated when, in fact, you are.
We all have imaginary conversations, and sometimes we share them out loud. Many people are distracted with random thoughts and the associated emotions. They don’t always give thanks for all the wonderful things someone does for them. On many occasions appreciative thoughts are contemplated with an internal smile without being spoken.
Emotional Disconnection and Sexual Desire
My male clients are often bewildered as to what makes their partner lose interest in sex. While this can be due to a sexual “malfunction” problem such as premature ejaculation or erectile dysfunction (weak erections) or being unable to orgasm, another common cause is his partner feeling emotionally disconnected from him.
When you don’t feel appreciated, you feel disconnected… and when you don’t feel connected, your libido can switch off. This generally doesn’t happen on purpose, it’s just a by-product of unresolved emotions and the perceived problems associated with them. You cannot be focused on connection when you are being distracted by busyness, or by unwanted thoughts.
Regardless of your partner’s words, actions (or lack of action) you need to take responsibility for dealing with your own emotional triggers and the reasons why you’re being triggered. An ideal relationship lasts the course of your life and you should not just put up with something when it can be fixed. Speak up to resolve the issues which are important to you and the health of your relationship to restore balance and harmony.
Only you can think the thoughts in your mind, and there’s a sneaky part of your brain which brings to your attention whatever you are focusing most of your attention on. This means that if you’re focused on all that is wrong with your partner and your relationship, this part of your brain will make you notice more things like it.
This is why it’s so important to contemplate what you want to experience in your relationship, so your brain can show you more of what you want – happiness, love, peace, joy, harmony and connection. This is much easier to accomplish when you are in control of the way you express your emotions.
In the upcoming articles in this series, I’m going to explain the Emotional Reset Technique and how to use it to unlock your relationship potential as well as sneaky tricks to enhance your sex life and overall connection with your partner. Make sure you are subscribed to receive updates!
About The Author
Psycho-Sexual Relationship Consultant at End the Problem Jacqui Olliver is a published author who renews relationships by solving emotional and sexual issues for men, women and couples. Jacqui is passionate about helping people develop new mindsets and strategies to overcome life challenges. Through her work, she conceptualized and co-created the Emotional Reset Technique™
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