Hmm this might seem like a little bit of a controversial subject , but when your heart is aching and the man you thought was ‘The One’ has walked away leaving you high and dry, it seems to become a question you ask yourself! Break ups are hard and involve a grieving process, but when you feel like your heart is just not letting go of someone , it’s time to start getting practical about dealing with your emotions and mindset so that you can give yourself a chance to move on and heal.
Let’s take a look at a few practical tips:
End all communication
Whilst they say “absence makes the heart grow fonder” they also say “ out of sight out of mind!” and this is the phrase you need to be reminding yourself of. Cutting all contact with the man you are still emotionally attached to is not easy, it takes discipline and mental strength but day by day it does become achievable. When the old leaves your life, you need to start making a way for the new and this includes not communicating with the past. Your heart and imagination are doing battle enough everyday as it is, so don’t feed them with contact with the ex, make a conscious decision to cease all communication and close the door on that relationship. It may seem extreme, but new habits need to be built and speaking, texting, emailing or calling the ex is only going to keep opening raw wounds. Give yourself a head start by choosing not to speak to him at all in any capacity.
Get rid of any evidence
Desperate times call for desperate measures…i.e.: time to get rid of that box under your bed with all those memories (yes I had one #guilty!) It’s like dragging your heart over broken glass bottles every time you pick up an old couple photo or love note or memoire. Letting go of the past means literally getting rid of any physical reminder that will trigger an emotion which you are trying to get over. Yes it is hard to actually throw out memories of your love but focusing on the present means dealing with past in a practical way, so that you can set yourself up for a better future. You’ll actually be surprised how much lighter you will feel by throwing out any reminders of your heartache; a clean slate makes way for a new love story 😉
Change your thinking
This is where the real test comes; whilst its easy to not speak to someone it doesn’t mean you aren’t thinking of them! Time to change your thought pattern and guard not only your heart but also your mind. Start being consciously aware of what you daily meditate on and CHOOSE to be the boss over it. If you find that your thoughts always gravitate back to him, the “what if’s” and general ‘black hole’ heartache feeling, you need to hit it on the head, take control and learn to discipline your mind! It’s time to build a new thinking process and start mentally focusing on something else other than a man you can’t be with. Recite positive affirmations, don’t indulge in negative thoughts or previous memories with your ex, instead control what you are thinking and focus on something new.
Start dating again
Yep that’s right; it’s time to get yourself back in the game and being open to meeting someone else. Now I’m not talking about having a rebound , I mean after you’ve had enough time to heal a little and build yourself up again, it’s also good to embrace new opportunities and people! Moving on from a lost love means also allowing yourself to experience new prospects in your life, it’s not about using someone to numb the pain of your ex, but rather embracing the chance to fall in love again with someone who is on the same page as you and worthy of your heart . Start with a few casual dates, or even a few group dates so that there isn’t unnecessary pressure or expectations and remember that putting yourself out of your comfort zone encourages growth and change.
Lastly…understand that letting go of someone takes time and is a gradual process, but essentially you are in control of the situation and everyday you have a choice to either dwell on the pain or move forward into a brighter future.