What happens when the spark dies down?
Most of us are aware of the honeymoon phase and we become even more aware of it when it actually ends.
In this video, I actually want to give you 10 tips on how to make your husband fall back in love with you.
how to make him desire you once again, and how to make him even miss you even though you aren’t married.
Now recently, I had a video go completely viral and it was all about how to make a man miss you. One of your beautiful women out there actually commented on the video and said, “Okay, Renee, but how do you make your husband miss you?”
I thought that this was a really interesting point, because we assume that getting somebody to miss you means that you know you’re not in a committed relationship and you want to make sure that they’re thinking about you and prioritizing you.
But little do we know that a lot of the reasons why marriage is actually breakdown is because we no longer feel valued by the person that we’re with.
Romance has died down, intimacy has died down, and a gap has started to form between husband and wife.
So, I do want to give you 10 things that you can do like instantly that I hope will actually help to spark that desire and attraction between your husband and you again.
Tip number one, don’t stop winning him over.
A lot of the times, relationships fall apart because we stopped doing what we used to do in the beginning to try and win that person over. You think about it. When you first started dating your husband, you would dress a certain way.
You would make more effort with your communication. You would do things to flirt. You would think keep things spontaneous.
You used to be consciously aware of doing specific things to try and communicate your value to him, and to also try and win his heart over as well, so why would we stop doing that just because we’re now in a committed relationship with them?
My task for you first in this video is to make a list of all the things that you used to do in the beginning of your relationship to win him over and then start doing them again.
If you’re not sure what those things were or you’ve forgotten, ask him, and I’m sure he’ll tell you.
Number two, play your role in the relationship.
Okay ladies, this is something that I can completely relate to, because I used to think that I was doing my role in the relationship, when in reality I realized that there was things that I could have actually stepped up more to, like contributing and sharing the load in certain things.
I think that men will sometimes pull back from their wives because they feel that they’re carrying it everything and they have lost a little bit of respect for her.
And so, what you want to do is you want to make sure that you are playing your role in the relationship, that you are actually doing what needs to be done as a team player, because marriage is about teamwork.
Now if you’re not sure, once again, what you need to step up into, what areas you need to work on, maybe it is focusing more on your purpose.
Or work and helping to contribute financially so he doesn’t feel the complete burden upon himself.
Maybe it is about cooking some meals for him so that he doesn’t feel that he has to scrounge around for food when he’s been working hard all day.
I’m not trying to stereotype gender roles here, all I’m saying is let’s be humble, let’s be accountable, and let’s remember that a great marriage is about really being accountable to the role that we have to play as a woman in that marriage, just like he needs to be accountable to his role, and then just doing it.
And being aware of when you need to up the ante a little bit more so that you can communicate to him that you do love him through your actions and that you do value your relationship, that you do respect him, and you do want to actually be the best wife possible to him.
Number three, trigger his physical needs.
Men are a lot more visual than us women, and I believe that two of the major love languages for men are words of affirmation and physical touch.
When a guy starts dating you or when your husband first starts dating you, he was definitely drawn to you not only because of your fabulous brain, but also probably because of your fabulous booty, and we can’t stop letting that actually be a part of our relationship.
I understand that children change your body, that’s circumstances change your body, that sometimes we don’t have time to work out, or we don’t have time for sex, or basically just life gets in the way.
But we can’t just live off those excuses and expect our marriage to get better because it won’t.
If a man has certain desires and if a man responds to physical attraction, then you need to actually make sure that that doesn’t die down in your relationship.
Now, I’m not saying that you have to be perfect every single day. All I’m saying is, ladies, is you have to understand how men work.
Don’t necessarily feel that you have to transform into a Barbie, or you need to go get Botox, or you need to lose 10 kilos. Understand what you can do right now.
Whether that is something as simple as shaving your legs, putting a little bit of makeup on washing your hair, wearing something that is actually flattering instead of just walking around in your pajamas all day, there are little things that we can do that actually communicate to him.
“Hey, look, honey, I’m respecting myself and I’m respecting you by looking after myself and making sure that I am as physically as attractive as I can possibly be in this state.”
I’m pretty sure I’m going to get comments on this video saying, “We don’t need to change our appearance for a man.” I work with men and I understand what it is that men need from a scientific point of view and also from a human element point of view as well.
The truth is girls, if you let yourself go and have you start to disrespect your own appearance, he will probably lose respect for you and he will start to pull back physically because he won’t feel as attracted.
Number four, initiate more.
Now when I’m talking about initiating, there’s two ways that we initiate. We initiate intimacy, initiate sex, or we can initiate actually doing things instead of waiting him to do everything.
I know that we want the man to lead us. It’s one of those natural sort of things that we want.
We want him to step into that leadership role and feel that we can completely rely on him, but sometimes guys get tired and they need to know that you, are playing your role in the relationship.
If you feel that like the sex side or the intimacy side of your relationship has died down, don’t just sit back and wait for him to initiate the next time.
Go and actually make that effort. Whether it is sending him a sexy text message, whether it is actually initiating the touch, or starting to kiss him, or starting to talk to him about what you would like to do to him.
That takes a little bit of confidence, I understand, especially if we’re feeling rejected by her husband at the moment.
But you have to look beyond what you’re just feeling and understand that in this instance when you know that your marriage or your relationship is in trouble, you have to focus on actions rather than your fears.
Number five, ask, don’t tell.
One of the reasons why men can pull back in our marriages is because they are feeling nagged and they feel like nothing that they can do is ever good enough.
It’s really frustrating because we’re not trying to come across that sort of way, we’re just trying to communicate what our needs are.
The best way to actually do this girls is actually asking, “Okay, what are your thoughts on this? Do you think that we need to actually work on our marriage a little bit more?”
As opposed to we never do this, “We need to work on our marriage a bit more,” and you’re telling him, or you’re scolding him, or you’re nagging him. “Why didn’t you ever have sex with me anymore?”
Okay, so actually have a mature conversation. As I say in any of my other videos, when it comes to communicating with men, we need to explain rather than express.
Explain why you feel a certain way. Explain how you see the logic in actually having more intimacy or going on a date night, rather than expressing your pain, and your disappointment, and your frustration, and anger.
If you ask, it will lower his defense mechanisms and make him actually be more receptive to what it is that you have to say rather than just telling him what he needs to do, which I guarantee you he will completely shut off if you do that.
Number six, thrive emotionally without him.
I found from my personal experiences that when my relationships used to get into trouble, it was because
I was too focused on trying to make him the sole means of what my emotional fulfillment needed to be.
It’s not like I did it on purpose, I just wasn’t aware that I could actually give myself that same fulfillment outside of a man.
So really focus on where your pain is coming from or why you think that you him giving you more attention is going to ultimately make you more happy.
Now, I understand that you know you want to be prioritized by your husband, you want to be obviously romanced and valued by him, and that is normal.
It is healthy and it is incredibly important. But we can’t make what he does to you the sole means of your emotional fulfillment.
You have to learn are you happy by yourself? Are you whole by yourself? Are there things that you actually need to work on to make sure that you’re not looking for other people to fill those gaps in your heart and in your mind that you could actually feel yourself?
When he sees that you know how to thrive emotionally and stably without him, he’ll probably feel less pressure on him to feel that he has to be that person for you all the time and you’ll probably be more attracted to you, as well.
Number seven, affirm him.
Ladies, as I said earlier in this video, one of the big love languages for men, I personally believe, is words of affirmation.
If you can just start affirming your husband and on a daily basis, I guarantee that that alone will really start to change your marriage.
Now, it doesn’t have to be something kind of really deep and meaningful. It can be something as simple as, “I love it when you make my cup of coffee.
I love it when you take the rubbish out. You look really handsome today. Wow, you did an awesome job in that presentation. Do you realize just how many people look up to you as a leader?”
Simple things. Like, literally I don’t think there is a day that goes by in my own relationship where I don’t affirm my man at least five to six times.
It’s not things that I have to meditate on and plan, it’s just I see an opportunity and I’m like, “Thank you so much for doing that. You’re so strong,” or, “Your muscles look really good.” You know, affirm their physical side, affirm what they’re good at, affirm what they’re doing for you, and that way you covering all basis.
I guarantee you ladies, men flourish under words of affirmation, and he will be more attracted to you. He will start to look at you in a different light.
He will start to feel appreciated. He will start to feel needed. He will start to feel valued. I guarantee you he’ll start to prioritize you once again.
Number eight, flirt more.
Again, when we first started dating our husband, we used to flirt, we used to seduce, and flirting is usually based around a fun sort of nature.
I think foreplay is a huge part of what actually makes a relationship exciting, because we have that buildup and sometimes that can just be something as simple as sending a flirty text message or maybe having a little cheeky kiss.
Start to really work on, again, doing what used to do when you first met him, which was probably flirting a lot.
Number nine, add some spontaneity in.
Okay. Again, when we started dating our husband, there wasn’t a lot of routine, there wasn’t a lot of familiarity or complacency.
There was, “Let’s go on a date here and let’s do this.” There was a sense of adventure and fun.
When we get into a marriage and we get really kind of serious, like because we’ve got children, we’ve got work, and we’ve got this, and we’ve got that, we can become stuck in a rut, and that can really kill the romance in a relationship, and it can definitely kill the intimacy.
So, we need to mix it up a little bit.
Now, don’t feel like you have to go and just plan a random trip to Hawaii or something like that. It’s more about finding opportunities that you can do on a daily basis to create some sort of spontaneity, whether it’s choosing to actually go out for dinner or maybe having a picnic.
Or it might be something as simple as on a Tuesday night, he comes home and you’re dressed in sexy underwear and it’s absolutely for no special occasion.
Think about ways that you can introduce little sort of activities, or events, or opportunities that are going to just mix things up for you guys so that you can just enjoy that moment and feel that you are getting out of that routine.
And lastly, number 10, is focus on yourself for a little bit.
Sometimes you just need to pull back into yourself and you need to reassess. Okay, currently my husband is drifting away from me.
I can feel this divide. What do I need to do within myself to make sure that I am being the best wife possible, that I am having my own sense of happiness, fulfilment, and purpose outside of him, so I’m not putting all that pressure on him?
Are there things that I need to do so that I can create even some boundaries to communicate to him that I’m not okay with that behavior?
Having that perspective to just kind of step back really does a lot. I know you’re probably thinking, “But if I stepped back, why did that drive him away even more?” No, it actually doesn’t. It actually has the opposite effect.
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