How To Negotiate In A Relationship When You Want Different Things

So what happens when you really like someone or love someone?

Let’s say, love. You’re in a relationship with them.

But the problem is, is that you both want different things.

How do you actually negotiate your relationship when you want to be together, but you feel like you’re being pulled in different directions? Let’s dive into that in this blog

Hi everyone. I’m Renee Slansky. I am a professional dating and relationship coach, and I help women from around the world build successful love lives by breaking toxic cycles and setting themselves up for a mindset and a lifestyle that causes them to thrive in love.

1. Communicate your Expectations

In relationships, if you want to make them successful or at least give them a chance to be successful, you have to communicate your expectations.

Just pretending that things are okay isn’t going to get you anywhere, and all it’s going to do is cause resentment and disappointment.

This is almost like getting in front of each other, laying everything on the table, and saying, “This is what I expect. What do you expect?” And I’ll be like, “Well, this is what I want. And this is what I expect. Where do we actually sit with each other?”

It’s the very first thing that you have to do, because if you’re able to be transparent and authentic about what you truly desire, and I mean what you desire, not what you think they want to hear or what you hope you can say to get the right answer from them.

You need to be true to yourself because otherwise, it’s just going to pop up later on.

2. During a conversation

It´s rather, you need to listen, you need to ask, and then you assess face-to-face next to each other. And you take turns to talk.


There is actually a marriage counseling exercise that you can do where one person has the cup or the wooden spoon and whoever has the cup gets to talk. Then they hand it to the other person and then the other person gets talking.

You don’t get to speak unless you have the cup in your hand.

Obviously, you take turns. This is basically designed to learn to say nothing and just listen and create that safe place for that other person to talk so you can really allow them to say what it is that they need to say and then absorb it.

Often what we do in communication is we just speak to say what we want to say or we speak to demand.

We don’t speak to actually listen or to ask and learn.

So by taking time to listen, ask simple, but specific questions, and then assess the information that you’ve both given each other afterward, it allows you to really think about things logically rather than emotionally.

3. Find a Compromise

Find a compromise but don’t settle for the second best.

There is actually a big difference between compromising and settling for the second-best.

Compromise is something that is healthy and is needed in a relationship.

However, compromise should actually be something that contributes to the relationship in such a way that it progresses, it has peace, and it can function at what is a normal abundant level.

There’s always going to be some sort of giving and take in a relationship, especially if you feel that, for example, maybe your situation is you’re in different cities or they need to move to a different country for their work, or they’ve got children and you don’t have children.

Life gets in the way. So there needs to be some flexibility here.

However, it shouldn’t be a one-way street. It shouldn’t be one person doing all the compromising and the other person just being like, “Ooh, I get to do whatever I want.”

It’s not going to bring happiness and balance. Also, it certainly isn’t going to allow the relationship to move forward.

Before I jump into the fourth point if you’re someone who really struggles with knowing how to set yourself up for what is just fundamental in a healthy relationship, download Guide To Successful Relationships. It’s a little guide that I’ve put together. It gives you basically, I think there are four or five pillars in there that are fundamental to setting you up for success in love.

4. Negotiate

Come to some sort of conclusion. Try it out and then reassess again.

It’s not always going to work the right way the first way.

So what you need to do is you need to work out where are we compromised here?

Maybe we’ll try your way for three months and then we’ll try my way for three months, or let’s have every second weekend together so that way you can still do what it is that you need to do with your children.

Whatever your situation is, try that out.

Find something fair for both people and something that both of you agree on. Give it a go and give it a decent go. Don’t just give up the first go.

Relationships are hard. We know it is. They take effort. Give it a decent go. And then reassess.

See how you both feel. Where do you need to tweak things? Is it actually working? Do you need to come up with another plan? Is there even a possibility that it’s going to work at all or do you actually need to call it quits, which unfortunately can be the sad reality.

5. Peace and Progress

The whole goal behind having a healthy relationship is peace and progress. And you’ll hear me say this in all my coaching and all my videos on my YouTube Channel. If you want to identify if a relationship is healthy, there will be peace and there will be progress.


Remember, progress isn’t always pretty.

It does come with conflict. It comes with trying and then failing and getting back up again. But you should be consistently moving forward. You shouldn’t be stagnating.

You shouldn’t be going around in circles and you definitely shouldn’t be going backward.

Peace is basically the underlying sense that this is going somewhere, that this is the right person, that this is a mutual effort here. This is teamwork.

It’s not full of conflict, full of drama, full of tension. If peace and progress are lacking in your relationship, you really need to get to the core root of how you can make this work and if it even can work.

I hope that this blog has really cleared some things up for you all right, gals and guys. Let me know if it has by dropping a thanks Renee here. Don’t forget to subscribe. Turn on your notification buttons.

Another thing that I want to say, if you’re somebody who really wants to be able to know more about how to set yourself up for love, obviously I’ve told you about my free guide, but I also have a group coaching membership program for women.

This is something that gives you access to all my coaching and other experts from around the world and amazing advice on a platform that is safe, that is affordable and that is accessible for you wherever you are and it’s called the Flourish Project check this out because right now at the moment, I actually have a free 30-day trial.

Click the link, absorb as much as you need to, and there’s so much in there, and you literally pay zero. All right gals and guys, I will see you next time. Bye for now.

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