Maybe you’ve been there a few times.
That dreaded moment when you’re happily eating your meal at the family dinner, maybe drinking your glass of wine or your coffee and all of a sudden your lovely mother or Aunt Zelda stops and says,
“So Clara, why are you still single?”
And then dead silence.
It’s like a moment from Bridget Jones and I remember going through the exact same thing, which I want to tell you about plus tell you what you need to say back.
I’m going to give you four phrases to say back in this video.
I want to talk about those moments, which is usually around Christmas, special occasions, your birthday, gatherings. Okay. Usually family gatherings.
When everyone’s stopped and the focus is put on you and you get asked the dreaded question, “So why are you still single?”
And it’s even worse because they use the word still, meaning, hang on a second, this is a repetitive thing you’re still single after all these years.
And the reason why it stresses us out is because number one, we probably don’t know the reason why we are still struggling in love, especially if you do actually want to be in love.
And number two, we feel like, is there something wrong with me because they’re making out that there is something wrong with me because I’m not in a relationship which is absolute bollocks.
And number three, we feel like we have to justify, we feel like all of a sudden we have to say well, I’m single because of this, this and this, and we get on the defensive because we’re hurt by the comments.
Because again, it makes us feel like there’s something wrong with us just because we’re not in a relationship.
Well, the first thing that I want to say is there is nothing wrong with you just because you aren’t in a relationship.
There are plenty of people who are married and are in relationships who are completely miserable. Now, this isn’t about comparing.
This is about understanding. If you do want to be in a relationship, well we can make that happen, and that is something that you have to be proactive about that.
However, in the meantime, let’s actually give a couple of responses so that you can go in there with the right weapons to be able to say the right thing to these inquiries for your own benefit so that you don’t feel nervous, stressed out.
Phrase number one
keep it really casual and just say something along the lines of:
“I’m just waiting to meet somebody that adds something to my life.”
In this statement, what you’re saying is you’re saying that you are owning the fact that you are single. You’re not necessarily giving examples, you’re not going into detail, you’re not justify.
You’re just keeping the sentence really simple by saying, “I’m actually not incomplete. I’m waiting for someone to add something to my life.” Which is how relationships should be.
We shouldn’t be waiting to date someone or be in a relationship with someone just for the sake of it.
It’s normal to want to be loved and to love, but that person should always be adding value to your life.
The second thing that you can actually say to them is this:
“Well, Aunt Zelda, I haven’t actually met the right person yet, but if you have someone in mind for me, well, I’d be open to it.”
By this you’re actually, again, owning the fact that, yep, I am single and I’ve got nothing to be ashamed about by this, but I’m also open to being helped in this area.
And what it does is it actually kind of takes the spotlight off yourself and puts it back on Aunt Zelda. Okay?
Because you’re saying to her, “Well, if you’ve got someone for me, if you’ve got the solution, I’m open to it.” And then they usually fluster around and go, “Oh, well, no, no, don’t worry, dear. You’ll be fine and you’ll meet someone special,” and the usual sort of things.
But it basically shifts the power in that moment, which is a good way to for you to feel like, well, I’m going to stand my ground here by being gracious towards her comment, which could actually be quite hurtful for you in the first place.
Now I just want to share a story. I remember one time, this was a couple of years ago, I was at a corporate work lunch.
We were in this amazing sort of restaurant. This lady who was a client of the company that I was working for at a time, said to me from across this huge round table, there was probably about 12 people at the table.
She said to me, “So Renee, why are you still single? Why haven’t you met a nice guy yet?”
And then my boss, who was sitting two seats away from me, turned around and said, “Yes, Renee, why are you still single?”
And I kid you not, the table went dead silent, like, you could hear crickets.
Everyone looked at me and I didn’t know what to say in that moment. I had no idea why I was single. I was trying not to be single.
I was trying to find love and it really put me on the spot. It really made me feel, number one, embarrassed and ashamed, which I shouldn’t have been.
And number two, it made me feel like all of a sudden I had to kind of justify my position even though I didn’t even really know the answer.
And so what I want to do with you ladies before I give you these next two points is I want to encourage you to do my free webinar.
My free webinar is essentially teaching you how to create these shifts so that you can find a relationship.
Because I’m guessing if you’re watching this video, you do want to be in a relationship. You’re tired of everyone asking you, “Why are you single?” And you’re tired of being single, which is normal.
That’s okay. We’re not created to be alone.
Okay, number three.
I like this one because what it does is it, again, it turns it on the other person. And that is this. If someone asks you, “Why are you still single?” You can turn around and say:
“Well, why are you still married?” Or, “Why are you still in a relationship?” Or, “Why are you still divorced?”
Or whatever’s relevant to their situation. And what that does is this, it actually, again, takes the focus off you and puts it on them.
Now, if Aunt Zelda turns around and says, “Well, I’m still married because I don’t know how to leave your uncle,” even though it’s a toxic relationship and you might know things going on, or if you’re talking to a friend and they’re like, “Well, I didn’t have a choice.
I have to still be married, even though I know I’m happy,” and obviously you have to know a bit about the situation, you can then say, “Well that’s one of the reasons why I’m still single because I don’t want to be in a situation like you. I want to wait for somebody who’s actually ready to add value to my life.”
Or on the flip side, if they turn around and say, “Well, I’m still married, or I’m still with Bob, or this man because he actually makes me really happy and we have a great relationship,” again, you can turn around and say, “Well, that’s what I’m waiting for.”
So either way it works, whether they’re justifying negative stuff, you can turn around and say, “Well, I’m single because I don’t want that.” Or if they’re justifying positive stuff, you can say, “Well, I’m single because I do want that.”
And lastly, number four, you can just simply say:
“Well, I’m enjoying my time dating.”
Because dating is meant to be enjoyed and heaven forbid that you take your time dating rather than just jumping into a relationship.
What this does is it keeps it really simple and it also tells them, well, yeah, I’m single, but I’m being proactive about it by dating and I’m enjoying the process.
They usually don’t have much more to say after that because you’ve kept your sentences really short. Again, you’ve shifted the power. You’ve owned your position, and I mean, what more can they say after that?