Let’s talk about the B word…
It’s time to discuss the importance of communicating your value , needs and worth continuously. Often when we first start dating someone we start out with strong boundaries , however over time these can wear down due to familiarity , circumstances , neglect and loss of self love and confidence.
When boundaries slip , standards fall and someone tends to feel they are either giving too much , being taken for granted or are in a relationship that has become toxic.
Whether you have always struggled to communicate healthy boundaries or only just recently realised that yours have slipped in your relationship , here are 5 easy ways to get back on track :
1) Know your true value –
When we establish our worth and have a deep centred belief around our true identity it becomes easier to communicate it and not let anyone walk all over you. The relationship you have with yourself will determine the health of every other relationship you allow.
Simply because it helps you set the standards for how you want to be treated. Most of the time we end up in toxic situations because we don’t realise we are worthy of more.
2) Communicate even when it’s tough –
Talk about how you feel even if it means being uncomfortable or having some conflict. There will always be some level of conflict in a relationship , but this is necessary in order to grow as a couple and make sure you are both on the same page.
Don’t wait till the pot is about to explode before you start to talk about how you feel . It’s not always about expecting there to be no battles , but rather identifying how and when you can minimise the collateral damage.
3) Explain rather than express –
Learn to talk about how your feel without being in a heightened emotional state. Men especially respond more so to logic rather than emotion. When we are in a place of vulnerability or feeling resentment and rawness , that’s usually when we should take a breather before we start to address issues.
When you address the issues with your partner , make sure it’s come from a level headed space so that you have a bigger perspective on things. It’s you and him verses the problem , not you verses him.
4) Give consequences –
If you keep rewarding their lack of respect of you and your boundaries , they will keep doing the same action. Give them a consequence for their behaviour. This doesn’t mean you use punishment ( for example the silent treatment) as a means to have control over them .
But rather you keep them accountable for their behaviour in order to protect your self worth and remind them of your value .
5) Stay accountable –
It’s easy to lose perspective or justify toxic behaviour , so have an accountability group you can check in with. Whether this is your friends , family members or a dating coach either way be sure to have reliable people you can trust with their opinion .
If you are someone who falls into the trap of having people walk all over you , then it’s time to reset and focus back on investing into yourself so you can build your self worth up.
When we love from a place where we know how to love ourselves , this is where we get the breakthrough. Often we think that setting boundaries just means falling for someone who will automatically respect them.
Whilst this is true , it is also imperative that you know how to reinforce them , because even the best of men and partners will slip up…we are all human after all!