If you’re someone who is in a long-distance relationship, then you are going to want to pay close attention to this article. The reason why is because right now COVID lockdown, the global pandemic has put more stress on long-distance couples than ever before. When are you going to see each other next? That is the question.
In this blog, I want to give you some practical strategies on how to strengthen your relationship over this distance, try and build some certainty in uncertain times and know what to do when you can’t see each other indefinitely.
Hey everyone. My name is Renee Slanksy. Welcome back to my website. I am a professional dating and relationship coach, and I help women from around the world find and build the relationship they desire and deserve, and to help them break those toxic cycles.
Now in this video, the first thing that I want to say is if you’re new to my website, I have been in a long-distance relationship before. I was in a long-distance relationship for four, almost four and a half years of back and forth. So I know what it’s like to be in this type of relationship.
The second thing that I want to say is don’t forget to subscribe, click this button, share this with someone that it might really help, and if does help you in particular, drop and comment on my YouTube Channel, “Thanks Renee!” if it helps.
1. Talk about your fears
The global pandemic, coronavirus, and all these crazy stuff that is going on has produced a lot of fear in our minds in general, and when we have fear instead of faith because you can’t have both at the same time, what it does is it actually start to trickle into other areas of our life, indefinitely our relationships.
Now if you are in a long-distance relationship, some of the fears that you might have are:
Are they going to fall out of love with me?
a. What happens if I’m not able to see them for another six months?
b. What happens if I can never see them ever again?
c. What happens if they fall in love with somebody?
And these are all really normal sorts of fears. So don’t go beating yourself up for thinking these things. However, what we do think about is what we expand into our lives, and we need to be really careful about the fears that you’re having.
I’m not saying that you should squash those fears, as in that you should just deny them. What I’m saying is you need to talk about them.
You need to communicate to your partner what some of those fears are so that they can understand where you’re mentally and emotionally
Open communication is really key in a long-distance relationship because we’re not there in front of each other to pick up on each other’s energies, what we tend to do is tend to hold back or we just go into an assumption, especially if we have fears because we’re scared that if we say something.
It’s either that fear will be confirmed, and we’ll fall apart, and our relationship will fall apart, or we will get rejected, or they won’t understand.
It puts us in a vulnerable position.
Talking about things that we’re worried about puts us in a vulnerable position.
However, if you don’t talk about what it is that you are fearful of, you’re basically holding this stuff in and allowing it to kind of fester and grow into something that isn’t going to be productive for your relationship.
Now a good way to lead into this conversation might be something along the lines of, “Hey babe, I’m really having a couple of scary thoughts right now. What if we can’t actually see each other in six months? Do you think that you will be strong enough to still be able to carry on with this relationship?”
Now that’s a pretty full-on question. I totally get it. Essentially you’re saying, “Are you cut out for this because I’m worried that you’re not, or I’m worried that I’m not cut out for this.” But we’ve got to have these tough conversations in tough positions.
2. Use video frequently
You have to up the visuals, which is one of the things I always say when it comes to a long-distance relationship. Now when I say use video frequently, I mean set time aside to actually use that video.
Don’t just always do it on the run or you send a little video here and there. That’s nice.
But you actually want to connect. You want to prioritize time with each other, and that might be literally logging in at times saying, “Okay, let’s do a call at 3:00 PM my time, 8:00 PM your time, and let’s jump on,” and then do that. Schedule it in.
It’s almost like when you’re in a relationship where you live together and you can actually be in the same household and the same country and city, you do schedule things in, and you commit to that because you know that you’re going to see them in person. Well, it’s the same in a long-distance relationship.
Distance shouldn’t be the reason why you aren’t prioritizing what is necessary to still have a connection.
It may feel a little bit uncomfortable sitting down and having face-to-face video dates or video chats that go for a little bit longer. But you’ve got to do what is necessary, not what is convenient.
3. Plan for the future
Planning helps build seeds of faith.
Faith that it is going to work out.
Faith that you will see each other again. Because in this situation, you have a choice.
You can either focus on worry and doubt and fear, or you can focus on faith and positivity and trying to build some sort of certainty in this time.
Now don’t necessarily go and lock in travel dates or travel plans because of what is going on with flights and cancellations.
However, start planning, start doing something. Whether you say, “Okay. Why don’t we aim rather for three months down the track for us to actually meet up? I’ll fly to you, and we can maybe do a stay-cation. Let’s start researching a couple of things that are going on.”
Planning also means doing your backend to see what effort is required to actually make it happen.
Planning isn’t just about going, “Oh, wouldn’t it be nice to do this,” and throwing it out in the air.
You need to do real planning as if it is going to happen.
The difference between just wishing and actually putting that wish into action is literally action.
You have to do what is necessary to make it happen as if it is going to happen. Now it might not happen. It might be delayed a little bit longer.
We can’t predict a lot at the moment.
However, that isn’t the point. The point is that you were trying to ingrain in your heart and in your brain and in the communication and the relationship that you have that you will see each other again and that it will be sooner rather than later. And in the meantime, to solidify that conviction, you’re doing something about it physically.
4. Send packages to each other
This is something that I used to personally do when I was in a long-distance relationship with my man, and it’s something that I think is really old school and never goes out of fashion. But before I tell you, click this button, share this with someone that it might really help, and if does help you in particular, drop and comment on my YouTube Channel, “Thanks Renee!” if it helps.
Send love letters to each other. Actually, send physical evidence of your thoughts and your efforts for that person in the mail. Now it’s really easy to do things digitally, right? You send them a quick digital video.
You might even send them a digital birthday card if it’s going to be their birthday or Christmas, right? Christmas is the big thing coming up now.
However, by actually putting in that effort to find a card in the grocery store or make one if there are no stores open for cards or do something that requires you to do a little extra and then post it to them, they have a physical reminder that you are still making an effort in their life.
It’s also, I believe, an act of romance. It’s showing that you are, again, prioritizing time to go to all this effort to send them something that might even be really little, that might even be just a letter.
But then they’ve got something of you, and I think that is what counts. I mean, yes, we can get on a phone call and talk or we can text, and you probably talk every day to them.
But there is something so personal and something way more intimate and special about actually writing a letter to your lover.
5. Keep the consistency of keeping each other updated with the little things going on in your life
When we are overwhelmed by circumstances, what we tend to do is tend to just focus on that. We tend to focus on the overwhelming things that happening around us, and we forget about all the daily nuances that can still bring us joy. Again, whatever you fear, you pull into focus, or whatever you focus on, you basically pull into your life.
So there are little things that you can do during the day that you can still make them a part of.
Whether it is your morning coffee as well and you both have morning coffee together
Whether it’s sharing a meal, whether it is telling them about a book that you’re reading, or asking their opinion about something to do with your work.
Don’t go and lose all those little things that actually help solidify a relationship and make you work together as a team.
6. Focus on love, don’t just focus on feelings of fear
Love is obviously something that is incredibly powerful.
Now love alone can not save a relationship. However, in this instance, holding onto that love and strengthening that love, and choosing to bring your focus in on love can really help you keep and save this relationship.
It’s almost like two star-crossed lovers, and they realize that distance can never divide them because they’re so in love with each other.
Distance, whilst it can really breakdown a relationship and really be difficult, can actually strengthen a relationship as well because then you learn to love differently as you learn to love through communication.
You learn to love through choice rather than feelings, rather than just being in that person’s presence.
I think that this is an opportunity for you and your partner if you’re in a long-distance relationship to work out how can we communicate love to each other when we can’t see each other? How can we choose to put our love even if we have moments of uncertainty and fear?
Now I have done other videos on long-distance relationships, what to do when you think the person is falling out of love with you, how to keep the romance and the spark alive.
So I do recommend checking those out as well because they will be relevant.
If this video has helped you, drop a, “Thanks Renee!” on my YouTube Channel and don’t forget to subscribe and give me a big thumbs up, see you guys next time on my channel. Bye for now.