How To Tell A Guy You Want A Relationship

The early stages of dating can be tricky to navigate.

When you haven’t had the ‘what are we?’ talk, it can feel unsettling not knowing where you stand. Many women I speak to are simply scared to express what they want in a relationship because they’re scared men will run the other way or that they’ll look too needy.

If you’re ready for a relationship to progress further along and ask for exclusivity, here are some dos and don’ts to keep in mind: 

Do get your timing right

Like all talks in a relationship, there is a time and place to have the ‘what are we?’ chat. You want to pick a time where both of you are relaxed, undistracted and present.

I find that after work or just before work is never a good time because the mind is already elsewhere. I prefer weekends to have a casual, non-confronting chat. 

Do set the scene

I don’t mean setting up furniture or things like that but you want to create a scenario where the other person feels comfortable to say what they want and how they feel.

Examples of setting the scene may be starting a conversation by telling him how much you enjoy his company and how he makes you feel. Example dialogue: 

Setting the scene

“I’ve LOVED spending these past few months with you. 

You’re down to earth, caring, thoughtful and I’m insanely attracted to you. “

The ask

“I’m in no hurry and don’t want to rush this relationship. But I think I just want to see you for a little while. What do you think?”

Notice that I left the question open-ended but I prefaced it by letting him know I wasn’t in a rush to progress the relationship.

Give the other person some space to share their thoughts. You never want to make them feel pressured into making a decision. 

Do let the other person process

You may have had this talk in mind but it may come out of the blue for your guy. If he doesn’t answer straight away, let him know it’s 100% fine.

Give him some time to think about it and get back to you. Just remember to set a date to follow up on the conversation. 

Don’t fill the silence

Often when these conversations come up, the other person is taken aback. They’re not expecting to have the conversation and they may not have had time to think about it.

If your question is met with silence, embrace it. Give the guy time to process his thoughts and express them to you. 

Don’t give ultimatums 

When a guy says they’re 100% in, you want to know that they’re all in by choice. Not because they’ve been pressured into it.

When a guy makes a conscious effort about wanting to be in a relationship, they’re more likely to fight for it when things aren’t going so well. 

Don’t punish them for telling the truth 

Not every guy you meet and share amazing chemistry with will be ready for a relationship. It’s just the nature of dating. If a guy says he’s not ready for a relationship, let him know it’s OK. If he says he needs time to think about it, give him time and space to think things through. 

Often people are intimidated by conversations like this but with the right tools, mindset and communication techniques, you can ask (and get the relationship) you want. Learn about creating the mindset that sets you up for love in this FREE mini-course. 




About The Author.

Iona is a dating and relationship coach for young single women. She doesn’t believe in ‘luck’ when it comes to love and helps women around the globe create their own luck. She’s been featured as an international dating expert in Huffington Post, Yahoo!,,, Daily Telegraph. You can find connect with her on YouTube, Facebook or Instagram. 

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