Are you self-sabotaging?
If you’re feeling like there’s been a little bit of emotional and physical distance in your relationship, then that could be an indication that you are pushing him away.
When we feel that gap, it’s kind of like, “Well, is it him or is it me?” Well, in this video, I’m actually going to give you the signs that you are pushing him away and what you need to do about it.
Over the years, I’ve been in relationship. I must say, I am quite the expert at knowing how to turn men off and drive them away.
I want to share with you a couple of little things that they might say to you, which is then pretty much sending out a hint saying, “Hey, honey. I need you to be you again. I need you to feel it again. I need you to thrive again so that I’m more attracted to you again.”
Because if we miss these little things that they say or do or don’t do, then what we’ll end up doing is we’ll end up completely pushing them away and the relationship will end.
And I don’t want that to happen for you.
The first one is this, he tells you to focus on you.
Now there’s obviously a difference between a guy encouraging you to do your own thing and follow your dreams, and he wants you to thrive, okay?
But if he says the phrase to you, “I just think you should focus on you for a bit,” that is a huge indication that he’s feeling that he really wants to have some space from you because he’s not getting as much value from you as what he used to be.
So take that as an opportunity to really step back and work out, “Okay. Am I self-sabotaging things right now, or is he just not ready because he’s got his own thing going on?”
This was something that used to happen to me all the time when men used to say to me, “I think you should just focus on you for a while,” and instead of me actually focusing on myself, I used to try to chase them and put even more energy into them and essentially focus on them and not me.
Don’t do that.
Focus on you. Work out, “Okay, have I lost my identity now that I’m in this relationship? Have I lost my own dreams and goals and purpose?
Have I come across needy? Am I asking for too much? What are the things that I can do that are in my control to make sure that I’m being the best version of myself in this relationship so that I’m not pushing him away?”
Which brings me to point number two, he wants more space than usual.
Men want and need to have some sort of space in a relationship. Heck, I even like my own space in a relationship. It’s important because you are still two individuals who should still be creating your own identity outside of each other and outside of the relationship.
But men more so than ever are kind of lone creatures that like to go out and conquer things and do things, whereas we as women, we’re more community type people. Okay?
So if he says to you, “I want to have more time with the boys,” or, “I want to just do this on my own,” or he no longer wants to go to the gym with you.
He wants to go by himself, and he’s constantly hinting and looking for opportunities to be by himself. That is an indication that you are, could be pushing him away because obviously he doesn’t want to be in your company more.
Let him have his space. If a guy asks for space, give him his space. Do not go and start chasing him like I used to and hunting him down and trying giving, giving, giving more because it’s just going to push him further away.
Number three, he starts to call you needy.
It’s the N word. Now whether you are needy or not is another thing, but if he constantly says that you’re asking for too much and he feels really exacerbated by you and you maybe have this sense of guilt like, “Oh, maybe I am pushing his buttons too much,” then, again, that could be an indication that you’re self-sabotaging because you haven’t learned to fulfill your own needs outside of him.
And I’ve actually done another video which talks about are you asking for too much or are you simply asking the wrong guy.
The moment that you come across too needy is the moment that he will start to lose interest because he will no longer see you as a high value woman who is able to be an equal team player for him.
Number four, the compliments, romance, and intimacy has died down.
Now there will be seasons in a relationship where you’re like crazy about each other and it’s that honeymoon period.
And then they’ll obviously be seasons where you just kind of cruising along, maybe you’re not as intimate, and you don’t have as many romantic nights as you used to.
But if you’ve noticed that there is a real distance where he doesn’t initiate intimacy or affection or he doesn’t respond to it when you do, he no longer compliments you as much, and the romance has really died down, then that could be an indication that he’s just no longer as fulfilled when he’s with you.
Now, again, this might have something to do with his issues, or it might be something that you’re actually doing.
You have to basically stop and ask yourself every time you come to a point of conflict in a relationship. Is it him, is it me, or is it the circumstances?
Now if it’s you and you’re pushing him away, that might be because you’re not meeting his masculine desires.
Ask yourself this :
- Have you let go of yourself?
- Do you no longer respect him?
- Do you longer respect yourself?
- Are you nagging him?
- Are you too needy?
- Are you making him your purpose instead of having your own purpose outside of him?
This is why it’s really important to understand what role first you play in the relationship and in this situation before you start accusing him or blaming him.
Number five, he stops asking you for your opinion or your help.
When a guy really likes you, like loves you or really values, more to the point, you as a person in his life, he will ask your opinion on things.
He’ll want to know what you have to say about it because he really wants you to be a part of his decisions. And if that has stopped where he no longer asks your help for things or says, “Don’t worry. I’ll cook the food myself. I don’t need you to do it,” or doesn’t really want your opinion on what’s going on in his life, that could be an indication that you are pushing him away.
Again, are you doing something small that you don’t even realize that is making him not see you as a high value woman?
And that could be something as simple as not complimenting him or affirming him or saying, “Thanks, honey, for what you’re doing.” If men don’t feel that they are affirmed in what they do, they will no longer continue to do that thing.
So step up a little bit. Start pouring some praise into him if that’s what you need to do.
Number six, conversations tend to always end in conflict.
What I found from my 10 years of personal experience of pushing men away was that a lot of the time conversations that you have in heated debates or conflict and you walk away feeling like, “Oh, maybe I overreacted,” or, “I shouldn’t have said that,” or, “I was maybe a bit traumatic about it.”
Obviously there is conflict which maybe he has caused or there’s a lack of fulfillment and desire, hence it’s ended in conflict. But you will know that it is you pushing him away if more often than not the conflict starts with something that you’re doing.
For example, I used to create drama just so I could try and get his attention, or I used to push his buttons because it meant that I got some sort of reaction from him.
If you’re trying to cause conflict to get a reaction out of him, it’s already starting to fall apart, and you need to work out again how can you reset and come across as that high value woman again so that when you have conversations with him, you’re not just acting or reacting out of emotions, but you’re actually having mature, grown up conversations, which is about explaining rather than expressing.
And lastly, number seven, he has become indifferent.
And I have touched on this on other videos where I say the opposite to love is not hate, it is actually indifference, meaning they don’t feel anything.
And if somebody doesn’t feel anything for you anymore, then chances are they’re not going to be as ready to invest into the relationship or they’re going to be tempted by other women or other people that do make them feel something.
So if you are pushing him away, one of the indications will be that he just doesn’t care anymore. He just doesn’t really have a response, and he may say things like, “Yeah, whatever,” “Okay, fine, just do it,” or, “I don’t care.” And you can tell that he actually means that. He’s not just saying it to try and get a reaction from you.
So what you need to do is again reassess. “Okay, is it something that I need to do in order to be able to be a better version of myself and be a better partner and really step up, or is it circumstances that are both putting us under pressure, therefore how can we make it about us versus the problem, not us versus each other?”
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Originally posted 2019-08-27 05:18:27.