Is Being Blunt in Our Relationships a Negative Thing?
In my professional life, someone once said to me: “Marcus, you’re rude for being forthright.” I got taken back because I felt like I was doing the company a favour by being candid.
In fact, I felt that my intentions of being forthright were actually attempting to be less selfish.
Isn’t an employee supposed to play the political game of gaining your boss’s support by being agreeable rather than disagreeable?
I take a lot of pride in being forthright and straightforward.
Now, extrapolate this principle across romantic relationships and friendships.
In some cultures, candidness can get you in trouble.
I once slightly chided a female girl-friend bluntly that she’s making a similar mistake by going back to a partner that broke her heart not once, but twice.
The cliché goes: once is forgivable. Twice, it’s on you.
I felt that as a friend I may be incentivized to keep the peace, get on the good books.
However, I felt that as a true friend, I needed to tell her what she needs to hear, and NOT want to hear.
I could have gone: “Hey babe, it’s not your fault, you’re alright and perfectly fine.”
Instead, I blurted something along the lines: “Screw that guy.”
However, this is the second time. “It’s kind of on you.”
I didn’t get a drink splashed on my face. However, I definitely didn’t win any favours there either.
Is being blunt, candid in your relationships considered rude?
Let’s Rethink Bluntness and Candidness
However, if you’re always beating around the bush, it’s not a solution for a long term relationship.
Let’s think about incentives.
Is there an incentive for someone to be candid as an employee? The employee does not own any equity in the company.
The employee’s main interest is to maintain and preserve my salary/ position in the company. There’s no need to risk an opinion.
In our relationships. If one party doesn’t feel like there’s a possibility of a long term relationship with the other party.
Should he/ she continue seeing that person for personal incentives?
There are different reasons why one party wants to see the other party, ranging from sexual pleasure, fun, pure boredom, or ego gratification.
If one party is honest and upfront about their intentions from the start. Is that really a negative thing?
Candidness may not get you the best reactions you desire. Sometimes, you may get a drink or two thrown in your face.
However, I personally always appreciated women that rejected me upfront. It saves me time and all the heartache.
In your friendships and professional careers, sometimes, a little brashness and candidness are required to get the point across. In such cases, intentions matter more than the content.
You’ll want friends, romantic partners, and work relationships who are willing to hear the bad news. Or people that you can be completely honest with.
Sometimes, honesty can consist of negative news. Or issues that can only be bluntly communicated across.
Do you want to break up after receiving a ring from him? Is there a better way to communicate that as opposed to just communicating that?
Yes, being blunt in your relationships isn’t necessarily rude.
About the author
Marcus publishes psychologically validated dating and relationship advice helping hundreds make real change in their relationships at www.marcusneo.com.