How does jealousy affects your relationship?
I’ve actually had quite a lot of women ask me this question.
Is it normal if your boyfriend or husband is jealous of you and is it okay or is it actually a red flag to some toxic behavior? So, I want to explore that and set some healthy boundaries around jealousy and how to make sure that you aren’t justifying or putting up with something that could actually be really detrimental to a relationships. Let’s talk about that.
Is jealousy normal in a relationship? Is it healthy for our relationship?
Hey everyone, welcome back to my blog. I’m Renee Slansky and I am a professional dating and relationship coach, and I help womenfrom around the world find and build the relationship they desire and deserve.
But before I do that, don’t forget to hit the subscribe button in my YouTube channel. Share this to your friends and drop a “Thanks Renee“ down below if this blog is helping you.
The first thing that I want to say is this.
There is a difference between protecting and possessiveness.
Protecting is when,obviously, you are trying to put a boundary around your relationshipas a couple, because there are other things that could threaten it.
Its about keeping certain things private because not the whole world should know about it.
Protecting someone is saying,“Hey, are you aware that that person is trying to flirt with you? I’m not okay with that.”
It’s essentially, again, setting that boundary and communicating that there is something that could be threatening the relationship.
Possessiveness, on the other hand, really comes from a place oftrying to control someone and it usually comes from either ego orinsecurities and it isn’t healthy.
A form of possessive behavior would be if you’re going out and say, a guy looks at you and all of asudden he reacts really angry and he starts aggressing that guy that just looked at you, okay?
Or he tells you that you can’t talk to certain people or that you can’t go out.
Now, you might think,“Okay, this is him being a little bit jealous of me,” when in fact, thatis actually possessive behavior and it’s not healthy.
So, you need to be able to differentiate between the two to work out, “.
Is here acting or acting jealous in such a way that it is something that comes from a place of genuine concern for you and for the relationship so that it can be stronger? Or is he coming from a placeof control, narcissism or insecurity?”
Which brings me to my next point.
Jealousy can indicate strong desire or it can indicate strong insecurity.
For example, if you are dating someone and you’re just in the first initial stages of dating each other and a guy will come up to you at the bar and start talking to you,
Obviously , if the man that you’re there with on the date reacts as certain way and he doesn’t like it, it’s fair enough because he seesyou as his person that he wants to get to know and he’s obviouslygot a strong desire for you.
I think that if you’re dating someone or married to someone and they don’t respond in any way, as in they come across just really indifferent and they couldn’t care less when someone is threatening what you have, then could actually be a red flag.
Obviously, having a desire to be with that person and to have that person’s attention is a healthy part of a relationship.
It’s why we choose to connect with someone. It’s like, “I desire you, you desire me. Cool.
Let’s actually protect that and make sure that no one comes in and tries to steal you from me or me from you.
However, if it gets to the point where, again, they end up reacting to scenarios like that in a way that they gaslight you and make you feel bad for something that was completely out of your control, or they start using it against you, or they try to control you, or they get really aggressive and they don’t even want to talk about it or have any sort of normal logical reasoning, that is coming from a place of insecurity and that is a red flag.
Now, what you have to do is you have to ask yourself, “How often does this occur?”
Are you married or are you dating someone that seems to have this pattern of always getting jealous? It doesn’t matter what you do.
You can get a text from a male colleague at work that purely wants to talk to you about work and they instantly grab your phone and they start accusing you.
If they are accusing you of doing things when you know you haven’t actually doneanything wrong, again, they are setting you up to gaslight you and basically to try and control you, and it’s probably coming from theirown insecurity and their own fears. Again, not healthy here.
So, how often does this happen?
Do you find that this is just something that has started to happen and it was never really there inthe beginning? Ask yourself what could trigger it.
That’s the next thing to do.
Does your partner get super jealous when you talk to a certain man or is it just men in general?
Does your partner get jealous when you get text messages or comments on social media from another guy, or do you get jealous when he talks to another female or when he likes other girls‘ pictures on Instagram?
Again, if you can work out what brings about this jealousy, it helps get to the core root of A.
Is it a normal reaction and B. what are we actually going to do about it so that we don’t have constant jealousy in a relationship?
Because that’s the thing.
It’s normal to maybe have a little bit of jealousy in a relationship because you do have a desire for that person and you want to be able to protect what you have.
However, having constant insecurity and second guessing whether or not that person is faithful to you or feeling that you can’t trust them, that isn’t healthy.
Now, before I jump into a couple of quick points to finish up on this blog, I just want to say this.
I have launched a brand new online membership called the Flourish Project. And this membership is basically your portal for love education.
If you are a female and you feel like you’re having these cycles in your relationships over and over again, whether you’re constantly dating people who are possessive, controlling, and jealousy, or maybe you’re the one who struggles with that and you find that you always have theseinsecurities coming up and so you self–sabotage, I encourage you to check out my brand new online membership.
There is so much information and value and coaching in this membership at an incredibly affordable price.
I have literally put it together so that I can bless you ladies and make love education affordable and accessible to you.
Click here, so you can go and take a look.
All right. The last two things that I want to say is this.
When someone is jealous of you and they react in a certain way, how does it make you feel?
Does it make you feel scared because they’re been aggressive and controlling, or does it make you feel empowered?
Now, both could be red flags here. Obviously, if someone makes you feel scared in a relationship that is a red flag.
You shouldn’t be living in fear or walking on eggshells if you are ina healthy relationship.
However, if you feel overly empowered when somebody is acting jealous because you’re chatting to another guy or another guy looks at you, you need to make sure that you don’t then take that and use it in align with your ego in order to try and always have the upper hand over your partner.
We shouldn’t be trying to make our partners jealous to get them to want us more and desire usmore. That is not healthy.
There are so many other healthy ways that we can actually encourage love and attention and desire from our partner, we shouldn’t be doing it via jealousy.
And lastly, you will know if jealousy is healthy or not in your relationship because again, there will be something edifying thatcomes out of it.
For example, if your husband gets jealous of you because that guy from work is constantly messaging you, and he says something to you that could actually be him trying to communicate that you need to put down a boundary.
So, in that case, his jealousy has edified the relationship because it’s made you aware and it’s made you do something about it.
It’s maybe even helps the communication between you both. Maybe he had assumptions about what was going on, you’ve then been completely transparent, and together you’ve worked at it as a team, right?
Which is what our relationship is about.
It’s not about you versus them. It’s about you and them versus the problem
So, jealousy can be good in a relationship if it brings issues to the forefront and then those issues are obviously resolved and the relationship becomes a lot better.
However, if jealousy or controlling behavior or possessive behavior is not edifying to a relationship, I can tell you right now, it’s not healthy at all and it needs to stop.
Well, there you go, girls and guys. I hope that this blog cleared it up for you.
If you want to know more about my coaching options,my free guides, and of course my brand new online membership for you awesome women out there, simply click the links below.
GET COACHED BY ME || Want to schedule a call with me to do just that? Click the link below! http://bit.ly/coachedbyRenee
FREE STUFF FOR WOMEN || Get access to multiple free guides, masterclasses, e-books and resources here: http://bit.ly/freefromrenee
My Online Courses To Attract And Keep Your Soulmate || http://bit.ly/programsbyrenee
My Blog || http://thedatingdirectory.co
Ladies, Join Our Private Facebook Group- Worth The Wait : https://www.facebook.com/groups/worth…
Don’t forget to subscribe to my YouTube channel and give me a big thumbs up,drop a “Thanks Renee,” and I will see you guys next time. Bye for now.