Is Mr Compatible, Mr Right ?

bella and darcy love advice quotes

We’ve all heard that saying” opposites attract” blah blah , but what exactly does that mean or even look like ?

I know that being a smart, successful attractive woman I won’t exactly be looking for an ugly dim-witted lazy bum to be my true love, now will I?!

So perhaps it goes beyond the aesthetics     (once again) and refers to balancing out your personality and finding someone who not necessarily gives you what you want, but rather what you need.

Conflict and passion

Otherwise known as fireworks these two can sometimes be quite dangerous when mixed together. I think a certain amount of conflict is healthy in a relationship, it keeps you both growing, helps you communicate and understand one another, but fighting constantly in a volatile way is not healthy or edifying to any relationship.

A relationship cannot survive off passion alone, it also needs stability, normality and middle ground where you can both make decisions without being swept up in emotional turmoil.

Likewise constant fighting is actually very destructive and causes division, even if problems are resolved; there are much calmer ways to get the same result. Look beyond the chemistry and flying sparks, you don’t want to be on an emotional rollercoaster for the rest of your life.

Foundations are healthy

Pretty obvious, even if you aren’t an architecture or construction worker … want to build something that lasts? Then get the foundations right.

Otherwise known as the core essentials or fundamentals to a relationship , lets look at a few of them quickly: Communication, Trust , Honesty , Unconditional Love, Respect, Realistic Expectations and Compatibility .

Unfortunately “good looking” and “rich” are not core foundations!# jokes… If you nourish these building blocks then you are setting yourself up to have a happy and strong relationship, regardless of the situations life will throw at you. Don’t become so consumed with the airy fairy stuff that you forget to identify and water what is really important.

We have nothing in common …. ( but I love him ) ?!

I’m sorry but what’s the point? If you can’t chat to your partner about mutual interests, do things together that you both enjoy or have unified or common goals, then perhaps you should stick to the Ryan Gosling fantasy in your head!

Compatibility is a core fundamental of a healthy relationship, it what helps keep it unified and joyful. Of course men and women are quite different from each other but it doesn’t mean that they can’t share the same interests or values.

This goes beyond just “ he likes coffee and I like coffee OMG we have soooo much in common!!” No love, it has to go further than your hobbies, sports and social life. I’m talking about having the same values as one another, where do you stand on family, personal and social beliefs?

Do you both have mutual goals to work towards that are edifying and progressive to your relationship? Are you with someone whom you can enjoy your time with and do things together or do their choices leave you isolated?

Don’t let your “common interests” be based on just short term activities, but rather make sure that common ground transcend all areas of your relationship.

It takes more than just love

Sadly life isn’t one big fairytale and a relationship can’t just survive on feelings alone otherwise they would serve Xanax over the counter!
Love is more than just an emotion, its basically a whole lot of forgiveness and grace and patience and enduring all rolled into one big ball that you have to constantly remind yourself not to throw out the window ( along with your partner).

If we based our decisions off our emotions or mood alone, needless to say that at any given point your relationship could end. Love isn’t always easy but you can choose to make it a lot less harder by making sure you have a whole relationship that doesn’t crumble at the first sign of absent feelings.

Love, after all is an action word, so make sure the actions you do and control are in line with each other’s wellbeing and the health of your relationship . Build the “none gooey” stuff in your life as well; water every part of your relationship and do things that force you to be unified so that division can never take root.

Giving you a chance at longevity

It’s not rocket science ladies, get the basics down pact, make sensible emotional decisions and set yourself up for a relationship that will not only weather the seasons but also be a lot more for filling.

Identifying not only what you want from a man but also what you need, look at what you can also give and see if that person is receptive to it.

If you are unsure ask good friends and of course your honest family members (cough) what patterns they see in your life and relationships. Read books, listen to good advice and actually start being consciously aware of your choices and dates.

There is no Mr Perfect so let’s be practical and well balanced as well as whimsical .


1 Comment

  • David Camilleri says:

    You’re one of the first writers I’ve seen (who writes on this topic) who doesn’t mention sex as a “core” foundation…

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