Let’s face it, relationships are like an extra full time job, they require constant attention, consistent hard work and you ain’t about to get a pay rise.
But they also bring immense joy, growth, happiness and all those gooey feelings and couch cuddles are worth the unpaid overtime. But how do we know when it’s the right time to pull the plug on a relationship, especially when you haven’t fallen out of love with them?
It’s a difficult call to make to decide when to give up and walk away from a relationship that you have invested so much into already, but the fear of loss should never hinder you from the reality of needing to let go of an unhealthy relationship.
It takes two.
It’s a partnership that means there is equal give and take and both people involved should ideally be wanting to put the same amount of effort in and meet each other half way.
There will be times when one will do more work than the other but that should only be for a season or a situation that one person has more strength in than the other. The thing is if your man is not pulling his weight and makes you do all the work and compromising then it’s time to reassess.
If he does not want to do his part because he is lazy, selfish or has too much baggage then you have to brace yourself as you generally have two options:
1) stay and keep putting out more then you get back, hoping he’ll change and be drained in the process or
2) leave and start putting your own happiness first.
There is a huge difference between being uneducated on what it takes to have a healthy relationship and just plain selfish neglect.
You can’t force someone to fall in love with you.
Unfortunately it’s true; otherwise we’d all be married to Ryan Gosling! Love should be a natural mutual feeling between a couple in a relationship. Being in love and loving someone are two totally different things, actions and words can speak love to someone but being “in love” is about the deep feeling and emotional attachment you have to someone.
The thing is you need both types of love here, the deep connection of being in love strengthens a relationship and usually means it will last the test of time, however the actions of ‘love’ is what will continue to feed that initial emotion and also give the relationship a chance to survive and grow practically as well as emotionally.
If your man is not in love with you or does not show you actions of love then perhaps it’s time to think about what you are willing to compromise on as chances are you have already done that a lot with your happiness. You can have both girlfriend!
You can’t change someone.
Dammit! If only we could change men then surely life would be a whole lot easier?! (But perhaps a little boring…) no we must love our men for who they are to give them the confidence to step into their potential.
Nagging isn’t going to work, in fact it’ll have the opposite effect, instead you need to decide whether or not your partner’s qualities, habits, words, treatment and goals line up with yours.
Yes relationships require hard work but they don’t require you to settle (that is something we just do and then wonder why we are so unhappy!)
It’s time to get practical and really look at the character of the man you are dating , it may hurt your heart but don’t let the short term pain of reality stop you from achieving the long term goal of happiness.
Know when it’s better to walk away .
This is the hard part, deciding whether to stay or walk away. In no way do I condone divorce or separation, however we are always given a choice with whom we invite in our life and who should stay in it.
Healthy, happy , for filling relationships whereby BOTH parties involved give and love equally are realistic, normal and achievable. You weren’t meant to be with someone who mistreats or undervalues you and boundaries and a time limit need to be set.
It’s not about giving up on someone and it certainly doesn’t make you a failure or signify that you’ll die alone; in fact it’s about understanding your own worth, establishing boundaries and setting yourself up for a better future.
I know what it’s like to give so much to someone hoping that things will change and they don’t and several years down the track everything has stayed the same expect your age!
Don’t settle for anything less than you deserve, it’s time to love yourself and make some changes.