Dating after a divorce? Why not?
Dating is always a complicated topic. Our brains can make it an even more stressful situation after a divorce, when children, budget, and other vital issues are at the forefront of our minds.
Being in a loveless marriage for an extended period of time brings a psychological toll on us that puts us in an ironic sort of state. On the one hand, we’re still looking for partners we’re interested in and creating new relationships.
But on the other, there might still be some anxiety as we head back into the dating pool.
It’s important to know that the adversity we’ve gone through has made us stronger, not weaker. And that, if anything, we know what to notice more as we bring our uniquely beautiful selves out to look for new opportunities for love and relationships.
After you’ve resolved your case or had a Philadelphia divorce lawyer handle your agreement for you, it may be time to step back out into the dating scene. Here are some tips as you ready yourself for dating after divorce.
Taking Some Time
The phrase “time heals all wounds” is a common one, but it carries incredible wisdom.
As you’re going through the post-divorce process, you want to ensure that you’ve taken careful time to look over everything following your divorce.
You’ll especially need to assess your own psychological well-being. Take the proper time to wait and note your particular situation.
If you need to, talk to a family member or a therapist about what you’re going through. Examine whether you indeed are ready for the emotions and commitments that dating brings, along with its many passions and excitement.
You might be prepared now, or you may want to wait a few months while getting some more of your life situations in order.
Dating can certainly bring a large amount of fun, attention, and emotional positivity into your life.
However, it’s also bringing another individual into your day-to-day experience after you’ve had another person leave.
If you have children, it might make things a bit more complicated to bring a romantic partner in immediately after your divorce is finalized.
While each individual and their post-divorce situation is different, psychological experts recommend that you wait about a year after you’re legally divorced before diving back into the serious dating pool.
This, on average, will give your brain enough time to fully process everything.
Self-Love and Discovery
You’ve just left someone who didn’t respectfully treat you. This mistreatment could have been in several ways. But the simple truth is this: you didn’t deserve it, and you certainly don’t need to be in a similar situation with the next person you date.
How can this be avoided so that it doesn’t happen again? And what can you do to give yourself more courage moving forward?
Self-love after a divorce is about caring for yourself and laying your past relationship to rest.
It means enhancing your confidence to a level where you don’t put yourself below others.
It involves learning not to have intense emotions of anger or sadness about your ex. And it even brings it a bit of self-discovery about your own hidden interests that you perhaps didn’t know (or didn’t show) while you were married.
Dating should be an enjoyable experience for singles after a divorce.
However, you also want to be honest with your date, and at some point, have them join in this self-love and discovery process.
Let them know about the problems that you had with your previous relationship.
If you had severe communication issues with your ex, for example, then ensure that you keep steady and stable messaging with your next romantic partner. Let them know about your interests, your thoughts, and your feelings.
Putting these out in front will ensure that you’re dating people who understand your situation and help you value yourself more heading into the future.
A Combined Approach
Perhaps you’re looking at the online dating scene and its many different sites and becoming entranced at the numerous possibilities. Or maybe you’re thinking about those different friends that you have in your daily life who you’re particularly interested in.
“Why haven’t I ever called them up for a date before?” is a question you might be asking yourself.
You may be wondering which dating system you should utilize: online or in-person. But actually, having a combined approach is what’s best in order to reach out and see what options are available for you.
Dating apps are an excellent way for singles to head back into the scene, as it doesn’t take too much work to create an online dating profile that you can personalize.
There are multiple dating sites that are great for divorced singles to choose from, including:
In addition, you may have people in your life who you were interested in but had not chosen to date before due to your marriage.
These individuals may be friends, bartenders, folks who go to the same bookstore, neighbors in your apartment building, or just friendly people you meet in a random romantic moment.
The critical point to realize is that you’re free to talk with them, to engage in enjoyable conversation, and, if you feel like, to warm up to them on a romantic level.
The previous barriers that were blocking you from forging these pathways are now gone. Whether you’re utilizing online dating or going out for a drink with someone you met in your day-to-day experiences, having a combined approach helps enlarge the possibilities of meeting a special someone when dating after divorce.
Dating is all about positive energy, and connecting with romantic partners can be a wonderful experience.
Understandably, you’ll have some nervousness to date after getting out of a divorce, especially if you’ve been in a long and troublesome marriage.
However, this can be a journey of healing and opening yourself up to new experiences.
With these suggestions, you’ll be ready to let yourself love again, and will head out to the dating scene after your divorce with newfound confidence and enthusiasm.
Veronica Baxter is a writer, blogger, and legal assistant operating out of the greater Philadelphia area. She frequently works with Lee A. Schwartz Esq., a busy Philadelphia divorce lawyer.