Imagine if you could tell whether or not someone was right for you …just by watching their expressions? It seems impossible, yet so ideal. All the time we could save , not to mention all the heartache. Well it’s time to meet the man who can teach you how to do just that.
His name is Stevens. Alan Stevens . And he is a celebrity profiler.
Which means he has been trained to be able to read someone’s personality just by their facial expressions. Impressive huh?!
He has been described as The mentalist meets Dr Phil meets Cal Lightman from “Lie to me”
And we got to do a little interview with him and found out some pretty cool tips on how to use those skills for when we date.
Q: What is a facial profiler?
Most Face Profilers read either Facial Features or just Facial Expressions. Whereas I read both, as well as Body Language, and Neuro Linguistic Programming rounds it all off.
Rapid Trait Profiling (Facial Features) tell you a person’s personality. How they like to take in and process information, how they like to act and how they are likely to behave in any situation, especially when under stress.
Micro expressions are flashes of expressions lasting a minute moment in time, when read in context with an event or when something is said or happens. They tell you what a person is really felling. They tell you if someone is trying to conceal information and when they are lying. When coupled with reading Body Language they are extremely effective and, through observing a person’s behaviour, you can quickly determine their character.
Q: Is it something we can all easily learn to do? (to help us discern whom to trust our heart to)
Everyone can learn to read facial expressions except for particular groups such as those people with Autism, which I’ll come back to in a moment. For the rest of us, we all had the skill to read expressions the moment our eyes opened as young babies.
Think of every time adults smile at a baby, it smiles back. Even beyond that, a baby detects the slightest change in those expression. They know when the expression is true or just put on. As we get older, caught up in all of the other activities of life, we forget the skill to varying degrees.
When we don’t practice something it atrophies, but like any skill like riding a bike, it can be remembered. As a coach and mentor, that’s what I do for my clients, help them to remember what they knew as young children.
Those with Autism find it more and more difficult to read expressions as a person’s expressions move more towards subtle expressions like Micro Expression.
When it comes to reading Facial Features it’s a totally different matter. Reading facial features is based on dimensions. For instance, when determining if a person has a wide or narrow face, it’s just straight basic maths; what percentage of the width compared to the height of the face. If you can distinguish different shapes, then reading facial features is simple.
So my general answer to this question is, Yes, just about anyone can be taught to read faces.
Q: When choosing a date based off their online profile photo, what should we be looking out for in regards to their photos?
Their photo will tell you their emotional state at the precise moment the photo was taken. But you need to remember that the photo doesn’t tell you their general state of mind. They may just may not like having their photo taken for many different and valid reasons.
What you should be looking for is how are they posed in the photo? Who else is there? What are they doing? Is there more than 1 photo and what’s the theme enclosed in each of them.
And more than anything else, does what they have written about themselves match what their photo conveys? For a long time, I’ve been training people to look at social media photos to know the personalities of other people; how they take in and process information, how they like to be spoken to and how they are likely to behave in any given situation.
This is why people should learn Rapid Trait Profiling. If you can see their features, you can recognise their personality traits. Compare that and what they have written about themselves and you know whether they are who they say they are. Do they really love long walks along the beach or candle lit dinners, or is it what they know you want to hear?
Ask yourself what does your image project about you? Are you attracting the right people? Remember that dating sites are renowned for being predator’s playgrounds and many of the profiling questionnaires dating sites use make it very easy for them to find their intended victims.
Predators are expert at reading other people. And so should you, if you want to stay safe.
Q: How can we tell if a guy is serious or just a player based off his body language or face?
It’s not something that you’ll see in his facial features, although I am working on some new traits that will give some insight into a person’s character.
First though, you need to observe his body language and his expressions to determine his intentions. How much he focuses (uninterrupted) on you will show his interest. The expressions he makes to your comments and actions will give an indication of how sincere he is.
How congruent the expressions appear to be with what you’re saying will give light to his intentions. Is he confident or have an air of arrogance? How does he talk to you? His expressions will tell you if he is interested and where his intentions reside. You may have found a charmer, but what is his intent? A first class catch or a predator?
The players want to control and they can range from the guy looking for a one night stand to full on abuser and Psychopath. Remember the initials CIA.
The player will Charm and then try and Isolate you from your friends and family, just like a predator isolates its prey from the herd. In many cases the isolation can lead to Abuse or worse.
See how much they involve themselves in the subjects you’re talking about. Don’t let the excitement carry you away. You might find the shy guy is a far better choice in the long run.
Q: What is the most common physical/ character trait in a cheater vs a keeper?
I’m investigating some possible features but at this time there are no physical indicators which determine a keeper from a cheater. The facial features are the history of a person’s personality. But personality is not character.
Two people can look very similar but one can be a saint while the other a sinner. The features will tell you how they think, not what they are thinking about.
The facial expressions and body language are better indicators of a person’s emotional state and their character. Look for congruence. Whether the body language and expressions match the conversation and situation. Do their behaviours change from when you are alone to when you are with family and friends? Does their attention stray?
Don’t judge them if they look around when they talking. We all move our eyes up, down and to the sides to source memories and create ideas. That’s natural. The question would be more, where are they looking when you talking? What expressions are they making and are the expressions what you’d expect in regards to the subject of conversation.
People look to one side to remember and the other to create an answer. Which side is which? That does vary from person to person and it’s why we always test first. Everyone though looks up for visual answers, sideways for what things sound like and down for their feelings and internal thoughts.
If someone is lying or worried about being caught lying they may cover or turn their face away or down. Remember thought, don’t jump to conclusions. Look for multiple indicators.
Q: When men want space…what does this really mean? And how should women ideally react to it?
You need to ask yourself first why you need to know why he needs space. Allow him the space to feel OK to tell you and he’ll tell you sooner. For many men, we need the space to think things through.
We forget that for you watching on, you may think it’s about you. A man can withdraw for many reasons. Probably more of them valid and nothing to do with you directly.
When you can read Facial Features you’ll understand how a person thinks and prefers to behave. Men with traits like Aesthetic appreciation feel and think internally as opposed to those who express outwardly. Innate Confidence levels will have a strong impact on whether a man will withdraw and need space.
What a woman should do depends on the reason for the need for space. Asking a man who has Aesthetic appreciation why he needs space will more than likely push him further away.
Those with close set eyes need to fix things themselves. With deep set eyes are more serious by nature and take the world on their shoulders.
And there are so many other traits that can make “needing space” their first reaction”. Remember your need to know, is not his need to tell you. Remember, don’t poke the bear if the bear doesn’t need poking.
Never tell him “whatever it is can’t be that bad”. It will be taken as that “you know better than he does and he has no right to feel the way he does. With that he will withdraw further.
What you should be looking for “is he just withdrawing so he can think and work things out or has there been a shift in his emotional state”, which could allude to more serious issues. Look for change in his physiology; the way he carries himself. Look for changes in his expressions. His eyes will tell you if depression is present and if it is getting worse. His expressions when you’re talking to him will tell you about your relationship. If you see micro expressions of contempt, disgust or anger, if the problem wasn’t you before, it is rapidly becoming so.
Q: How can we tell if a man is interested in us?
If a man takes an interest in understanding you; how you like to be spoken to and treated, and most importantly he shows genuine interest in doing so, he is interested. The next question is “interested in what way”. Is it short term or ling term?
We should clarify that question first. Is he interested in you or interested in what he can get from you? Is he genuinely interested in you and what’s important to you? Or is he interested in what he can get? Does he pay attention to you and more than just in the moment. How does he talk to you?
Eye contact, body language, the questions he asks and how he responds to yours are important indicators. When he is talking to you, where are his feet facing? Feet always face where a person want to go. Look where they glance.
Q: What sort of facial expressions indicate if someone is lying?
It’s not so much which expression as it is the timing of the expression. A smile is a smile but when does it appear? In what situation. What was being said or happened at the time? Say for example someone is telling you they didn’t want someone to get fired from their job, and you see a brief smile. They are actually happy they were fired.
While you ask them to tell you did they do something they shouldn’t have and they look away as they answer, that’s a pretty good indicator, just as is someone who’s looking you straight in the eye and their eyes don’t move. They could be checking to see if you believe them or not.
Q: How can we tell is someone is going to be compatible to us?
I get a lot of men and women asking me to have a look at their new or prospective partner’s photo and tell them if they are compatible. The first person who asked me what she should look for in a prospective boyfriend was my very first student many years ago.
Should she look for a man with a large lower lip? My question to her was what type of relationship are you looking for? A person with a large lower lip is quick to give while one with a thinner lip thinks more before giving.
My question to her was “are you looking for what you can get in the short term? Are you looking for a long term relationship?” She in particular needed to know what her partner thought of her, asking him would not be enough. She needed to see it. Well if he had a tight lower lip and he gave her expensive presents then she would know exactly what he thought of her” So you see there are no right or wrong traits.
Knowing how to read the traits is most important, and knowing your own equally so. When you can read the traits and know how to talk to them the spicy relationship requires little maintenance and to keep the soulmate interested.
8: what are the ‘red flags’ we should be looking out for on an online dating profile photo?
A high priority should be to see if the facial features and written resume match. As I said before, the facial features tell you everything you need to know about the personality. Read the written profile and ask, “does this sound like the person you’re looking at?” Secondly, what is the theme in the photos? How is the person posed? Start by looking at your own profile and think about what your image conveys.
One of my students got a request on her dating App from a guy. His image didn’t convey a happy person nor did his written profile. She politely said thanks but no thanks, to which he genuinely asked if she could tell him what he was doing wrong.
She told him what his expression conveyed and how to repose a new photo. From his existing photo she profiled his personality traits and pointed out to him how he hadn’t written about any of his strengths.
His wording showed someone who lacked confidence and was desperate. If he had been a woman contacting a male, then “she” could have gone like a lamb to slaughter if the other person had been a predator.
So your major priority should be to look at what your profile is conveying and who it is attracting.
Q: The most important part of someone face (to discern their character and intentions) is……?
It’s been often said that the eyes are the window to the soul. Just as true is that the whole face is the window to the mind. If you want to build rapport with someone we are told we should soften our gaze by looking at the full area of the eyebrows, eyes, nose and mouth, so we don’t appear to stare.
It’s non-threatening. More importantly, we can see those micro expressions more easily when we soften our gave to take in the whole face.
Expressions can be not just micro in timing but also very subtle, appearing in just the eyebrow, eyes or mouth. You need to see the whole face and that way we can see when an inappropriate expression appears. A flash of anger, contempt or disgust, or a smile that appears when there is nothing in the conversation that should have attracted a smile.
It’s not which expression, but the expression that appears out of context with the conversation. For instance, if you are telling someone that their friend is having a hard time and you see a fleeting hint of a smile, you know they are happy about the bad news and that friendship isn’t what they say it is.
Should people want to learn more about how to read people or find out how other people see then, they should contact me.
If they’d like to have a play with and test some of the traits, I’d recommend they download both ProfileMe and ProfileMatch Apps from their App store. To get the full picture they should get both. They can find the links to their store on my webpage www.alanstevens.com.au/apps/