No gifts for me this Valentine’s?
So Valentine’s Day has been and gone. There was a lot of expectation and a lot of buildups, and maybe you were really excited that you’re man was going to get you something, but he didn’t.
In fact, he turned around and maybe even said to you, “I don’t believe in Valentine’s Day, so what’s the point in celebrating it.” Or maybe he just plain forgot. Either way that you shouldn’t get hung up on this stuff, but you are and you’re really disappointed that your boyfriend or the guy that you’ve been dating hasn’t actually gotten you anything for Valentine’s Day and didn’t really make a big deal about it.
Should you dump him? That is the question. Or should you give him another chance and how should you handle the situation?
Well, what I’m going to say about that is this Valentine’s Day, along with Christmas Day is actually the two biggest days of the year where relationships fall apart, and the reason why is because there’s so much expectation on them, that it puts a lot of pressure on both sides of the couple to feel like they should be doing something above and beyond what they normally do. And therefore we miss the whole point of Valentine’s Day.
Hi everyone. I’m Renee Slansky. Welcome back to my channel. Now I am a dating and relationship coach and every single Tuesday, I’m starting a new segment, which is basically #Ask Renee where I answer some of your questions that come through, which you leave an email to me, leave on social media, or of course, you pop them down in the comments box below of Youtube Channel.
Now, one of the questions that I get asked is;
“If a guy actually doesn’t make an effort for Valentine’s Day, is that a signal that he is not the one for you and that you should dump him?”
Valentine’s Day, shouldn’t be a day of pressure, Valentine’s Day should be a day to just communicate value.
Now, how did they decide to do that is up to them but it’s also up to you. If you’re someone who is a hopeless romantic and you’re really wanting your men to up it up on Valentine’s Day, make sure you tell him, express to him why it means so much to you. And don’t just drop hints, be grown-up about it. Like actually say to him, I know Valentine’s Day is around the corner, how do you feel about it?
First, ask him, don’t just demand what you want, ask him, how do you feel about Valentine’s Day? And if he says, “Oh, I’m not really into it. I think it’s a gimmick. And a waste of money.” You might say, “Well, okay. I understand.
But for me, it’s something important, and the reason why is because it makes me feel really special and really girly.” Now he will have his arguments of why he thinks it’s not valid and you will have your arguments of why you think it is valid.
It’s not about forcing him to change his opinion, but how you would like to make something special of it.
Now he might take a couple of years to warm up to it.
However, it’s not to say that you can’t romance him in the beginning. I think Valentine’s Day, is mainly about the men doing something for women, but ladies let’s actually turn it around and also do something for the men.
I think it’s good to be able to model the behavior that we would like first to be able to then see if they’re able to receive that and do something back.
The question though, is, should you actually dump him or the person who wrote to me he said is this a sign that it’s a toxic relationship? Not necessarily. And I think if you dumped somebody just because they don’t give you Valentine’s Day present, really is an indication of your expectations being quite unrealistic.
Someone giving you Valentine’s Day present isn’t fundamental to having a healthy relationship. Someone communicating value to you is fundamental.
However, that can be done on a daily basis, it doesn’t just have to be done on Valentine’s.
One of the things that really irks me is that there is a lot of, let’s just say kind of feminine power, energy, whatever it is, out there which makes women seem like they’re entitled to more in a relationship than a man, and that’s just not the truth.
Relationships are about both people being able to receive and give, not just the man giving and the woman receiving.
Hence why I said, don’t be afraid to romance him and communicate with them. Don’t just sit there and expect, expect, expect. So dumping him just because he wasn’t able to give you a bunch of flowers is actually pretty shallow, it’s selfish and it isn’t an indication of an unhealthy or toxic relationship.
However, it is an indication that you don’t understand what it actually needs to build a healthy and amazing relationship.
So that may not be the answer that you want, however, it is probably the answer that you need to hear. If you are disappointed that he didn’t give you anything, well, this is an opportunity to talk to him about it and see how he responds.
There’s no point sulking and just sitting there and going, ah like he didn’t give me this and then bitching about him behind his back to your friends, which just highlights everything even more. We’ve got to stop doing that, ladies.
Talk to him about it. Talk to him about how you feel and see what he does. If he brushes it off or maybe he’s someone that never really cares about your feelings or never cares about romance, then yes, that could be an indication that he’s been insensitive or he’s just not aware, or he could possibly be a selfish person or maybe there’s a lack of compatibility there.
Don’t just go and react because he didn’t go and get flowers for Valentine’s Day or forgot about it.
Take your time to assess the situation, communicate to him what your expectations were, how his lack of effort made you feel, and then see what he does.
Let’s not just throw everything to the wind and go, ah, I deserve more.
Well because that might not actually be the case in this scenario. All right. If you do have a question, let me know down below and I will answer them every Tuesday for the ones that I think are the best ones for everyone out there. Don’t forget to subscribe on my Youtube channel, hit the like button, drop thanks Renee down below if this helped you and I’ll see you guys next time. Bye for now.