It’s funny how we always hear the common struggle of women or men wanting to change their partner.
The familiar phrase of ” stop trying to change a man” or ” you can’t change a man” come to mind . However there is also the flip side.
What happens when the person who you love just as they are all of a sudden changes in a negative way? What happens when you think everything has been going fine and that they want the same things as you , but low and behold the rug is about the be pulled from beneath your feet ? It can be like a slap in the face , and it recently happened to some women I know.
In the past I have heard of women whom have been married for years , have their husband turn around and just freak out and walk out. Like how is that normal?
I mean sure most of the times there are warning signs and usually you can see it coming . But what about when men do it unexpectedly ?
On what planet is it normal to have someone whom you thought you knew turn around and decide to quit on your relationship? This is beyond “ghosting” . And it hurts a lot more too.
Because the fact is you had a committed relationship with them and were planning a future together. But before you decide to quit on love or do your head in overthinking how you can try to change them back , lets get to the bottom of why it happens and how to cope :
1: Whilst you may not have seen the signs, it doesn’t come from nowhere.
We often feel like it is out of the blue that a man can all of a sudden turn your world upside down. But chances are he has been having an internal struggle and just not voicing it.
Most of the time they don’t want to appear weak and so they bottle it up till it explodes in a bad way . Mental and emotional turmoil is an inner battle that most men just don’t communicate about. That’s why it’s always good to try and chat about what he is feeling and thinking regularly, even if you think everything is peachy .
2: People change , it doesn’t mean you were at fault .
Life , stress and change in situations can really affect some people more than others. Perhaps you weren’t doing anything wrong . Maybe you were being the best partner you could possibly be .
But the thing with relationships , is that no matter how a good of a woman you are , you can’t rescue a man from himself. People change , sometimes for the worse and that’s not your fault.
3: You do deserve someone consistent and committed .
When the person we love dissapoints us or leaves us , we start to question who we are as a person . We start to doubt our ability to be a great partner or have a great relationship .
The voice of heartbreak is good at at making our fears seem more real . However what you need to know that who you are and what you are deserving of still remains the same with or without him.
Don’t think that just because he has changed that you need to . There is no doubt in mind that you are an awesome woman who is stil deserving of the best
4: There behaviour does not reflect your worth .
When the man you love starts acting out , our immediate reaction is to start to get desperate to try and save your relationship. But there is a fine line in fighting for the man you love and knowing when to step back in order for your self worth. You shouldn’t have to tear yourself apart to keep others whole.
Sometimes people have deep rooted issues that don’t surface till later on in life , this does not mean that you are any less of a woman. Sometimes it really is them, not you.
5: Sometimes you have to let go, even when you don’t want to.
The hardest part is knowing when to let go for the sake of loving yourself . Someone people we just can’t help and we can’t keep giving so much and never getting back .
It hurts , especially when there doesn’t seem to be any real explanation or closure. But don’t let the decisions of someone else ( because yes it is their decision) to hold you back from being happy .
Your relationships do not define who you are . You deserve a consistent partner who understands the importance of communication and who wants to work out problems with you .
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