It was a question I was asked this week; a classic scenario where boy meet girls, boy only wants casual, girl agrees, girl falls for him, boy won’t commit, girl is heartbroken but keeps going back for more. Sound familiar? Most of us have dated “Mr Unavailable” at some point in our life, and it seems to be one of the hardest type of men to break away from, especially when he gets under our skin. We hold onto a fictitious relationship we have built up in our mind of what we WANT it to be, not what it really is in reality. But why do we keep going back for more from someone who is never going to be able to give us everything we want let alone everything we deserve?
1: You are waiting for validation and acceptance from him.
2: Being used and having something (as little or toxic as it is) is better than nothing at all.
3: You are hoping him, his feelings and or the situation will change.
4: You feel that mistreatment is better than total rejection.
5: You haven’t realised your true value and what you really are worthy of.
6: You don’t understand what a healthy and happy relationship requires.
It’s similar to a game of cat and mouse; he gives a little but leaves you wanting more, so you are forever waiting in the wings, living in limbo as well as the inner conflict of wanting to walk away but not having the strength to do so. However life and love was not meant to be full of anxiety or disappointment, nor are we meant to be strung along and used in any capacity, so let’s look at a few home truths of how to overcome and let go of the wrong guy:
1: A real man will chase you, make time for you and commit from the start. You will be his priority.
2: By allowing this type of relationship you are effectively giving him permission to keep treating you poorly. Set boundaries, focus on self respect and refuse to let him take advantage of your time, heart or emotions.
3: Start dating other guys, go out with friends, do things that are positive and keep you happy (and distracted)
4: Stop contacting him, delete his Facebook, and mentally train your brain not to dwell on him.
5: Remind yourself daily of not only what you deserve and want but also what he is doing wrong and can’t give you .Red flags are there for a reason!
6: Remember that his treatment of you does not define you as a person, nor does it predict your future relationships.
7: The longer you waste your time on the wrong man, the more you delay the right one coming along waiting for you.
The thing is you do have the strength to say no and cut ties, it’s just a matter of daily choices and believing you are deserving of more.