Q: Why do I keep going back to the man that hurts me?

photo from www.learningandcreativity.com

photo from www.learningandcreativity.com

A: It’s something we keep asking ourselves every time it happens ( or our family and friends constantly ask us!) It’s not that we aren’t aware of what we are doing, but rather we have developed this familiar pattern because our heart and mind says two different things and of course each time we hope it will be different from the last. Let’s look at a few quick reasons why you keep going back to the pain:
1) Fear of loneliness or rejection
You’re scared to end up alone or to start again with someone new. Having him hurt you is at least getting some form of attention ( unhealthy attention) and whilst in a way he is pushing you away he is still acknowledging his need for you ( the old have his cake and eat it to trick!) which makes you feel wanted to some degree.
2) Fear of the unknown
This situation even though painful is familiar to you and you’ve developed your own coping mechanisms to be able to handle it. In a way you have learnt how to deal with the hurt over and over again and at least know what to expect, so therefore are prepared for it. Leaving your man would mean walking into the unknown which you aren’t ready for, essentially it means having to face yourself for everything you are and work through a new period of growth which can be daunting and painful.

3) Because you love him and hope he will change
This time will be different from the last 10 times right? Well it could be, but if you have the same reoccurring history with him then chances are it won’t be. A man that truly loves you won’t be hurting you constantly.
4) You haven’t realised your own value or the importance of self love
If you really loved yourself then you wouldn’t keep inviting someone into your life to hurt you again and again. Conflict is normal, abuse is not ( and neither is loads of conflict ).There really is no nice way to put this, if your man is abusing you, hurting you, lying, cheating, not committing or whatever it is to hurt you again and again then you need to walk away, shut that door and start to love yourself more. It’s time to stop living in a dreamland and start taking responsibility for your present and future and that means keeping him firmly in the past.

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