If dating is something that you are currently dreading, chances are you have dating burnout.
All right. I want to address dating burnout because this is something that is really common nowadays mainly because we have dating apps. Let’s just be honest.
We have so many options before us that we just find that we are becoming exhausted and almost fatigued by the idea of having to sift through those options.
Now, if you’re not sure if you actually have dating burnout, a really clear indication will be is that dating doesn’t excite you and you just either can’t be bothered to go out and put the effort into dating or when you do go on dates, you’re finding that you’re not getting anything from it.
You’re finding that you’re dating these guys who are actually pretty nice guys, but you’re not really invested in it and you don’t feel like you’re getting anything from the experience.
So what do you need to do to make sure that you don’t get stuck in this rut where you feel obligated to go on dates just because you have access to them?
The first thing that you need to do is you need to number one, take a break.
I promise you right now, you will not miss out on love by taking a break from actually seeking out love.
In fact, one of the things I find really kind of get women’s stuck is you feel that you have to hunt down love, when in reality, love has already chosen you. It’s just a matter of inviting it in, and hunting down love is almost like you have this mindset of, I need to find it, I need to do whatever I can.
And it’s almost like this mentality of strife, of like always having to consistently put in all this effort. And if you don’t put your effort into the right men or the right strategies or the right action that needs to be taken to actually be effective, that’s where you just be exhausted.
And this is where energy without direction leads to exhaustion.
So I really suggest that you take a break from dating. Now it doesn’t that you can’t say yes to opportunities when they present themselves. But what I mean by taking a break is don’t go and actively seek out dates.
So if that means getting off dating apps for a while, actually uninstalling them from your phone so that you have that boundary there, instead of having that temptation to go and just pick up and respond to push notifications, then do that.
If it also means saying no to people that have already future asked you for dates, don’t feel guilty about doing that.
Number two, limit your options.
If you have dating fatigue, chances are it’s because you have choice fatigue, meaning you’ve got all these choices in front of you and you feel that you have to explore all of them or what we do is we say yes to one guy, but then we say gets to another and another, another, another, and we have our fingers in all these different pots.
We’re not really sure who it is that we should invest into because we’ve got these new risks, men before us, and we’re not really able to focus on the potential of just one.
Hence why if you’re divided in your energy and your emotions because you’re putting it into Tom, Dick, and Harry, and George, you’re not really going to have clarity, and also you’re not going to really know the potential of each of those men, and you’re going to be tired from it because you’re putting your energy into all these different people.
Meaning you’ve got different expectations for all these different people and that you’re hoping for some sort of clarity.
If you have too many options, it’s going to just breed confusion in your brain and constant confusion leads to exhaustion because it produces stress and it also means that we become frustrated.
And frustration is an indication that something’s not working and that your expectations aren’t being met.
Scientifically speaking, the brain can actually oddly handle nine choices at a time. You can’t multitask men as in you don’t want to date multiple men at the same time because it’s just going to lead to a whole lot of confusion and exhaustion.
Number three is get clear on what you want.
As I mentioned earlier before, when I went through my own transition of finally breaking that cycle and finding my dream man, I had to get clear on what my dream man ideally looked like.
And when I say ideally, it didn’t mean that he was just tall, dark, and handsome. I meant he also had qualities that were fundamental to a relationship.
Now, if you get clearer on what it is that you want, it really helps you sort the wheat from the chaff. It makes you go, well, I’m not going to say yes to this guy just because he’s asked me out because I realize he doesn’t have the qualities that I need or that I’m attracted to in order to be able to want to put effort into it
It’s almost like you have to choose quality over quantity here and if you can get clearer on what it is that you do desire, you’ll be able to recognize it when it comes along a lot easier and so then you’ll know who to put your energy into so that you don’t get dating burnout.
Number four, get some balance.
If you are exhausted or burnt out by something, it is a clear indication that you have lost balance. Meaning you’ll probably put in all your focus into finding love.
Like I said at the beginning of this video, when we hunt down love, we’re setting ourselves up for failure. So if you’re putting all your focus on this, then that’s probably why you’re exhausted and that’s meaning that it’s taken away from you putting focus on other areas of your life, which helps create balance.
Having an amazing love life and finding someone who values you and prioritizes you isn’t about making that your sole focus.
It’s about understanding how to do other things like still interact with your friends, still put energy towards your career, your health, your fitness, your social life, so that you had the balance and perspective to be able to know who to invest in to.
If you’re putting all your energy, emotions and expectations into finding the love with your life, you can’t predict when that’s going to happen.
And so then that gives us a sense of feeling that we’re not doing enough to make it happen and we’ve got more energy, more effort, and then it just leads to, again, exhaustion and we get burnt out.
Number five, relay some of those expectations that you have on yourself and on love.
Part of the reasons why we get dating burnout is because we have this timeline in our head of when women to find the one or how we think it should go.
And so we set ourselves up for this kind of disappointment because it doesn’t go according to plan.
Can I just say, my love life, none of it went according to plan, but yet everything that I went through somehow led me to where I needed to be in order to be able to get what it is that I truly desired.
So it’s almost like you have to trust the process and a part of trusting the process that you will find love and that you will find the right person is taking the pressure off yourself.
Now, this doesn’t mean throwing away responsibility and not being accountable for doing some actions. What it means is give yourself a break, like surrender to the process a little bit so that you can actually date through faith rather than through fear, and dating again from a place of abundance rather than a place of lack.
So make sure your expectations are healthy when it comes to dating. And again, if you haven’t watched my masterclass, I highly recommend that you do click through and watch it.
The problem is with nowadays, we’re going out there and we’re assuming that access to love or access to dates means success in love and that’s really not how it works.
So release some of those expectations, understand what healthy expectations are when it comes to finding love and dating.
Because the truth is, you’re not going to find the man straight off the bat. I mean, you might, but we kiss a couple of frogs along the way, but you shouldn’t be kissing multiple frogs to a point where you are totally over the process and exhausted.
Number six. Evaluate who you’re dating and why you’re dating.
When any of my girls work with me, or even my guys when they work with me, one of the things that I do say to them is, I don’t want you to date for the first couple of weeks of us working together.
And the reason why is if you just want to go out there and date and find love, but you haven’t actually realized what your patterns are, what mindset you’re dating from and who you’re actually giving energy to, you just got to be going out there and repeating the same thing over and over again.
So if you have dating burnout, chances are you’re either doing the wrong thing or you’re dating the wrong person.
So first ask yourself, okay, why am I dating here? Am I dating because I’m bored? Am I dating because I’m trying to heal and get over somebody, and I’m hoping that I can have a distraction? Am I dating because I’m so scared that I’m going to die alone, that I need to find someone?
And who are you dating? Are you dating people who are consistently the same with mistreating you or not being emotionally available or I’m not really giving you what it is that you want?
Chances are, if you are in a cycle, well there is a pattern in who you’re dating and why you’re dating. And if you’re able to identify that, that my friend is key to being able to go in right.
Now, I have a point to start from. All I need to do is know what I need to do in order to break that cycle so that I’m not exhausted by dating and so that I can enjoy the process. And so it actually leads to a fulfilling relationship.
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Originally posted 2020-03-25 23:29:42.