Single by Choice or by Chance ?

It’s one of the great debates: are we really single because we want to be or is it just fate? It was an interesting concept I heard when watching a documentary on why more women nowadays over 30 are still unmarried (heaven forbid!) So let’s take a look into it and try and work out if it is indeed entirely up to us or our fairy godmother:
Chance vs. Choice
Ok so we can all get a bit dramatic at times in our singleness and say that no matter how hard we try and how long we search we still can’t find a man so therefore perhaps it’s fate that we are destined to be alone!?! Hmm seems a little extreme because I know for a fact that we have free choice over our actions and thoughts and call me crazy but either a) looking desperately for a man or b) trying every single one just in case they are ‘the one’ …is not really an indication of “chance” of why you are single but rather a result of the choices you make.
Actions vs. Words
It’s all very good to say we want to settle down and find a man but partying every weekend and hooking up with a different guy each time doesn’t really support your argument! I have lost count of the amount of times I have met women who continually declare that they want to get married find a man blah blah… yet continue to still live a life that ensures their current single status. The thing is you have a choice and are responsible for your actions and of course there are consequences for your actions. If you still can’t work out why you are single then maybe it’s time to see if your words line up with what you are doing daily. This doesn’t mean you should start trolling every online dating site and interviewing future husband prospects, but rather it means you are consciously making daily decisions that are positive and progressive. There is nothing wrong with wanting a man but desperately seeking one out isn’t the best way to go about it and nor is sleeping with everyone till you find him.

Create the Opportunity
What it comes down to is how badly do you want something? Are you willing to start making positive changes in your life and start creating opportunities for your man to come along or are you going to just sit there and wait for him and in the meantime party with every other Tom, Dick and Harry? I do believe that timing is everything and that there is purpose to every season and person in our life, but I also think we have a choice in the direction we want our lives to go. If you are single and wanting to meet the right man, then it starts with first becoming the right woman (which is not becoming someone else but rather blossoming into the best version of yourself). Self development, clearing out cobwebs and perhaps starting new constructive habits are great ways to start to initiate the positive change in your life which in turn creates new opportunities.
Get Specific
This means that you aren’t just aimlessly walking through the dating world saying yes to any man, but instead saving your pearls for the EXACT type of man you really desire. Write a list of what you want and are deserving of in a man and relationship then stick to it! Easier said than done, especially when we get lonely and want some attention. By choosing not to settle for anything but the best means you will fast track him into his life instead of blocking him with all the no hopers.

1 Comment

  • iWriter says:

    While your advice is pointed toward women I find it to be fitting for men as well. I appreciate how you indicated that one should not become someone else, but rather one’s best version of oneself. Habits and lifestyle do define our character and self-reflection should be poignant enough to guide our future direction towards our long-term goals, which, in this case, is to be ready to meet our life partner. I think it was Mark Twain who coined the phrase, “luck is when preparation meets opportunity,” and I think it’s very fitting for your advice. Great post!

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