So your Ex has moved on before you….

It’s the last thing you want to hear when you are still mending a broken heart and trying to recover from the break up, and sometimes this news comes sooner than you think. Nothing really prepares you for it , I mean sure you know it’s inevitable that eventually he’ll end up dating someone but ideally it’s when you are happily married with children and even then he should do it in another country! So needless to say when you lovely ex has moved on quite quickly and is openly serious with his new flame it can send you make you feel a few different ways : bitter, angry , depressed or turn you into a crazy stalker ( come on we’ve all done it !). In such a time we need to remind ourselves of a few home truths:

There’s a season for everything

Ok so we have all heard that people come into our life for a season, a reason or a lifetime which is incredibly true and it’s important to realise when a season is over so that you can focus in putting your energy into a new one. In saying this it’s also important to understand when you have seasons of emotions, and in no way should you feel guilty for doing a season of mourning because your heart has not fully healed yet. It’s painful knowing someone whom you shared such a large part of your heart and life with has moved on quicker than you thought possible and feeling angry, sad and disappointed is totally normal and healthy. The important thing to remember during this time of grieving is that a season of healing and joy will follow afterwards.

You will heal and love again

Whilst you may not feel like it’s possible to fall in love again, you actually will get over him and eventually feel nothing but indifference.  During such a time we can start to compare our situation to his and begin to question our self worth simply because of our marital status. It’s not a competition and if anything you are at an advantage for taking time to completely heal before choosing to be with someone new; rebounds are not the answer!

This does not define you

Again this is no time to start basing your worth and entire future on the knowledge that he has another date, don’t let your current emotional state let you forget the fact that you and him didn’t work out for good reason.  The success or failure of your relationships do not define your value (and neither does the actions of other people in your life). Stop over analysing what’s wrong with you and start choosing to believe that you have a lot to give and are worthy of someone who will appreciate and celebrate you .

It’s no longer about him, let it go

Ok time to refocus your energy, emotions and all those thoughts running through your brain. Get rid of the “what if’s” and “why her?” and start focusing on phrases like “I am”, “ I will” and even “meh!” . What you continually meditate you manifest into your life, so give up stalking her and comparing yourself  or dare I say bitching about her, she is not your concern and neither is your ex. It’s in the past so leave it there; constantly looking at their social media accounts or asking about them will make your wounds raw and prolong your healing process. It will take a whole lot of will power and discipline and essentially you have to make the conscious decision each time till you build new habits.

We can’t always control what happens in our life, and lord knows breakups are hard enough without feeling like you are getting a slap in the face with this news. But you can always choose how to react and what emotions and thoughts you want to invest in , so pull your shoulders back, stand tall and keep walking forward !

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *