Stop Holding Onto The Past . #CariaCares

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Working as a model has its perks. You get to meet highly creative individuals who help make a shoot come together beautifully.  There’s actually a lot of creative process that goes into it. Being apart of the team, everyone works collectively to make it appear effortless.  On this one occasion I was at TVSN studios on a make up shoot with a zany make up artist, Mandy.  With her thick Scottish accent she asks, “Caria I just don’t get why you’re single!” This is the question that most ask in disbelief. And one I constantly ponder on.

After coming out of a long-term relationship in my 40s,that was what I believed ‘the love of my life,’ I can admittedly say that yes I now have high expectations. I delve deep into the past and talk about how wonderful my ex is. She sternly says, “If he’s so wonderful, why aren’t you together now?”  She is right!  When a relationship ends there’s no turning back. In your 20s you eagerly go back to see if you can fix things but end up making things worse. In your 40s you know when a relationship ends for the right reasons and leave it there.  Mine had ended 7 years ago but I was somehow holding on.  It’s time to stop living in what could have been.

Living in the Past.

It’s a natural progression for people to hold themselves back in the past through fond memories.  It’s like a group of friends at a get together taking photos with their smart phones.  Your photos reveal something that is wonderful in the moment that speaks to you. But after a few months or years, you might see your friends’ photos of the same event and see a whole different perspective.  There are pockets of moments that you may have missed from your memory that weren’t so great, or were even better than you remember.

Without realising it, I was holding myself back in time.  Backwards in a fond memory. A time when things were admittedly better in lots of ways. Financially, spiritually and let’s face it I thought I was with the ‘love of my life.’  So why did the relationship end?  The answer is simple. We both wanted different things.  He didn’t want children.  He was the centre of attention amongst crowds.  Although I loved his bravado, I felt having kids in the not too distant future, or the option to adopt, was important. With him my life was exciting, but I shared him with other people constantly.  I desired to be his one and only, yet I was one of many that he loved. So our relationship ended perfectly.

Why Hang On?

Holding on to the past basically means I’ve been missing signals.  Men’s signals! Sitting in the make up chair I began to feel slightly silly. Mandy smiles warmly. As she finishes my makeup, she looks deeply into my eyes and promises, “You’ll find someone soon, now that you have consciously let go of your ex.” My eyes fill with tears. How can this person be so insightful? Feeling vulnerable I’m able to connect on a deep heart-centred level with this woman I barely know, whilst being ‘dolled up’ for a show.

Later that day, as we part ways, she says, “I have someone that would be perfect for you. Can I set you up? He’s really lovely and you’re really lovely. It’s a perfect match.”  I laugh at her enthusiasm, probably because I’ve heard this so many times before, but I nod in agreement.  After all what have I got to lose, except letting go of the past?

Tune in next month to find out what happens next.

Image courtesy of Yongkiet at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

 

caria wattCaria Watt is an established model and communications specialist who writes positive mindful expressions to help people with relationships.  Her passion for words has become a life long career as a professional copywriter, writer and blogger. Friends call her for advice on dating, communicating, and how to become an empowered person.  As a singleton… she is on the pursuit of healthy dating and has kindly offered to write about her experiences.

Follow Caria on Facebook and stay tuned for more awesome posts. #CariaCares

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