Q: I have been dating this guy for a couple of weeks now, and I really like him. I want to take things further as I can feel myself falling for him. But I’m scared he will pull back or not feel the same way …how do I tell him how I feel , without scaring him off?
A: Admitting your feelings for someone is always a huge step . There is no certain outcome and it means you are vulnerable. But what you feel is important and communicating it to that person will do 3 things :
- It gives you clarity on their feelings for you
- It builds and encourages good communication between you both
- It allows you to see if you are one the same page and where your relationship is heading.
It’s not to say that their won’t be rejection or unrequited love along the way. But we can’t hold back what we feel and think in fear of people’s reaction or their baggage. Your feelings are valid , and trying to hide them is not going to keep your relationship transparent or from progressing.
Sure there are ways to go about telling them, like choosing a private moment instead of blurting it out at the family lunch. However, even though you will be nervous of what they have to say, don’t let it hold you back from getting it out.
No one wants to live in limbo , and if the feelings are mutual then you will probably have a few clear indications anyway. Love and relationships are a two way street and they remain healthy and strong because of clear communication and the right decisions.
If you think that he will reject you , then ask yourself why you are falling for this man in the first place? Do you really want to open your heart to someone that doesn’t make you secure in their feelings for you before you’ve even confessed them?
It’s easy to fall in love with the wrong person . Heck it’s easy to fall in love with the right person and then have them turn into the wrong person! The point is, the heart can be hard to control. That’s why you need to look beyond the fluffy feelings and take note of their character and the way in which they treat you.
If you are dreading telling them about how you feel , then it’s probably because :
a) You don’t think they feel the same way.
b) You don’t think they want the same relationship as you do.
Because the truth be told, if he feels the same way as you do , then you won’t have as much fear about discussing your feelings with him in the first place. At then end of the day , you have to take that risk, and let his answer not define your worth , but rather give you some direction of where your relationship is going.